Herceptin treatment - have given up counting what number I'm on.....

Jack normally stays at Grandma and Grandad's the night before treatment day so I can get a move on in the morning...last night he stayed here and low and behold he had a sleep in this morning!!

Anyway that's by the by and we managed to get to G & G's by 8am, so I could get to the hospital and park before all the spaces went!

I 'booked in' on West Ward in the hope that they'd 'order' my treatment then, no....they wouldn't (or should I say the receptionist wouldn't **see below!!) until I had the 'ok' from clinic that my heart scan was ok and the treatment card signed off....

Met up with a lady called Fiona who I've met a few times before and we exchanged health updates...thankfully neither of us had anything to report.

I have to put some numbing cream on where my port is and it's not easy ....well it is but not for me! I managed to get through 3 sticky dressings as missed the target twice and the cream splodged out over my top...nice!!

Having managed to do that I went downstairs to clinic...and waited...and waited...my appointment was at 9.30am and a friend of mine had her appointment at 9.50am...she managed to get seen before me and we both laughed at the the system down there only to be told my blinkin' treatment card had gone walk-abouts, I swear it has legs as it's always getting lost!

Dr Charlton was....on holiday (again) surprise surprise!! I saw a lovely registrar called Kate who was extremely thorough, which sometimes isn't the case with Dr C. She suggested a CT scan before my next clinic appointment in November and bloods too, did a thorough examination of my chest and neck nodes and checked my liver - which she couldn't feel, gosh I was sure I had one!!

I questioned whether I was staying on Herceptin indefinitely and she said they initially thought a year would be good but seeing as I had a good scan result in February it must be doing some good so they'll keep me on it at least until I've had the next scan. If my tumours are on the move then they'll take me off it and have a re-think....

After a heart scan they give me the results and also put them on my notes...well the one time I forgot to take my copy they hadn't put them on the file, so that caused a bit of delay..

I had a good chat to her about how I feel when people question my illness...and what I mean by that is someone was shocked that I had been given ill health retirement and more or less implied I was cheating the system as I look well etc.... I said to her that it's so difficult with BC as it's not a major organ that's diseased it doesn't make you look ill or be unable to function properly unlike bowel, colon or lung cancer.

Also the one thing that really pee's me off is people saying 'oh you'll be ok' - well I bloody well won't! That isn't being negative it's being honest and a fact!

She got quite cross that I was having to hear these comments and said that we both know there is something major going on in the background and you only have to spend a day at the Cancer Centre to realise it's not all plain sailing...

We had a good chat about it all and I felt so much better for it.

It was so nice to have a chat about how I felt in my head rather than than the usual 'are you feeling ok with the treatment' sort of chat.

Back upstairs for 10.30am and my treatment was ordered...would be up about 12noon!!

They were so busy today as they were short staffed and I didn't actually get called in until 1pm..

All ok with the treatment and I was free to go at 3pm..

** asked the staff nurse if I show my heart scan results to her next time can they get on and order my treatment before I go to clinic....answer...most probably!!

So all in all a good session today...just hope the scan date comes through and I don't have to do the chasing for it

Love Clare xx

A year ago tomorrow I had my left breast removed....has it effected me ...yes and no...

The actual look of the scar and surrounding area doesn't bother me at all...it was a body part that was infected by a hideous disease and had to go...

...what does is the fact that it's so difficult to find bras that are any good, I desperately want to scream when I'm in Marks and Spencer/John Lewis...I want to shout out to anyone that will listen that it's not all about pretty pink/blue/purple size 36b's...there are some of us that have extreme difficulty find even a bog standard white bra that I can fit my rather large prosthetic boob into.

I hate the fact that I can't just go in and buy any top I like.....I have to try them on to make sure the neckline is ok and it's not to low that it'll show the hollow in my chest....

One year on ....It's not as hard as I thought it would be.

love Clare xx