4yrs ago today I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer...

I'm still here...

Clare xx

Just a quickie as I haven't really got much to say at the moment.

Still waiting for my radiotherapy dates, will chase on Weds if I've heard nothing...guess that's me chasing then!

Have had 'twitchy' pains in my right side on and off for a couple of days so will see how it goes and if they get worse will go back and see consultant.

I have actually been feeling sad this week that all the plans we have for our future, our house and Jack, I may not see through...I know if I died suddenly (run over by a bus etc) it would be no different but it's the knowing I have a death sentence over me and now trying to hurry things up that I'd normally take time over.

Also I have a review date from DWP so I need to complete a large part of a huge (39 page) questionnaire and see my GP about it.  My GP is lovely and is very thorough so it shouldn't be a problem but still is on my mind niggling away. I have phoned DWP twice and had differing advice...one said just get your Dr to complete a DS1500 (under special rules) and the other said complete certain pages..may try a third time and see what they say this time!

Love Clare xx

Heart scan/Results day today.

Got to the hospital early (as always) and went along for my heart scan and realised that if my notes were in the cardiac unit how would my oncologist be able to see them?  I asked if I could take my notes with me and they said only if I took them staright there.  Oh how I would have loved an hour or so to have a good look through them!

Heart is ok so Herceptin can carry on until they dedcide otherwise.

Made my way down to the Cancer clinic (what a horrible but apt name) and was greeted with words 'we're running and hour behind'.  Blimey he was still seeing his morning patients!!

I sat and read my book for a while then my nose got the better of me and I had to stop so I could listen and look at what was going on.  I finally got called in at 4pm (appt was 2.50pm) and was seen by Dr Charlton's registrar, although he was in the next room dishing out advice (all good I expect!)

She said that the scan showed 'progression of disease' in the chest wall, which would explain the pain I've been in over the past couple of months. Plus a 'proper' tumour has appeared in my liver (before it was just a measly nodule/lesion...so it's been promoted) and I now have 3 lung tumours 2 of 7mm and one just a bit bigger.

They decided between them, after a brief conflab, that chemo should be kept for later on.  As I'm not presenting any 'ill' symptoms just pain it would seem silly to use one of the 'big guns' now rather than when it's most needed.

For the chest wall pain they are going to organise radiotherapy (5 sessions) and hopefully that will ease the pain.

I asked what about the liver tumour but apparently it should be ok for a while, however, if I feel nauseous or find it difficult to eat (yeah that 'll be the day!!) or drink, I need to contact them immediatley and we can get on with sorting it out.

I will have another CT scan at the end of July and take it from there.

So for now I get to enjoy the 'summer' without feeling crappy and being bald.

It's not the best news but it could have been worse as they could have said for me to start chemo straight away...

There's always a bright side...

Love Clare xx

Back home after a week in Menorca.

We had 3 really hot days so managed to get on the beach a couple of times and in the pool at the apartment.

Thursday night/early morning we had a massive thunderstorm and torrential rain and it didn't stop until 4ish on Friday afternoon.

The apartment was fab and the owner had more or less thought of everything, flights were brilliant too.

It's been 10yrs since Jon and I went there and we still remembered most of the Island.  It has got very expensive though (blame the Euro) but that said we still ate out every day and enjoyed ourselves.

Only downside is getting back and having washing to do and cases to sort out.

Tuesday must have been on my mind whilst I was away as I had 2 really awful dreams about it.  Mind you I also had a bizarre dream that all my nails fell off!

I hope Tuesday brings some good news for us I really do.

love Clare xx

Pain Pain go away...

I'm in quite a bit of pain now in my shoulders and round the front where my scar is.  I sneezed this morning and thought I was being crushed from inside.  I can't cough properly as I can't take a deep enough breath.

Haven't been sleeping well as it wakes me and then I can't get back to sleep so feel so tired all the time.

I just want to go and have a nice holiday next week and then get this sorted out when I get back. Just hope I can last the week without being in too much pain.  Taking painkillers but that's not ideal long term.

I'm scared of what going on in there but can't really complain as it will be 4yrs since diagnosis at the end of May and I haven't really been 'ill' as such or in any pain really.  I feel a course of chemo coming on - boo!

So watch this space as I have consultants appointment on Tues 18th...

Love Clare xx

Having a busy couple of weeks...socialising and getting things ready for our holiday.

Went along for my scan on Tuesday and all went ok - the scan always does go ok it's the results that may not be what we want to hear.  I get the results on Tues 18th May - well at least I hope to, I have an appointment with my consultant booked for then and I'd hope that all the relevant info would be with him by then.

So two and a bit weeks to go and then fingeres crossed...

love Clare xx