My poor sore hands - ouch!

Not much better today and so sore still...

love Clare xx

Phoned my Drs at 8am and got an appointment with my Dr at 10.40am - what excellent service.

Showed her my hands which she agreed were not looking good.

I have been prescribed Betnovate Cream and she also gave me a huge tub of aqueous cream to wash my hands with.

So watch this space - hands should start to feel a bit better in a few days time.

Love Clare xx

What a miserable chemotherapy Taxotere is.

I've not had the same side effects for any of the cycles and I keep getting caught out.

Today my hands are red raw, much worse than yesterday and I've had to take my rings off.

I have asked advice on a BC forum I belong to and it really needs to be sorted before it gets much worse.

I shall be going to the Drs tomorrow to get an emergency appointment to start getting it treated.

I will be so bloody annoyed if I can't use the sauna/hot tub/steam room at Centre Parcs in 2 weeks time...at the moment I can just about bare to put my hands in tepid water.

The damn stuff had better be doing what it's suppose to be doing and killing off the cancer cells as well as working it's way around my body as it pleases.

There is always an upside...at least I don't feel sick/nauseous on this chemo unlike FEC.

Love Clare xx

I'm right in the middle of my lowest immune time this week.

I shall say it quietly....not doing too bad so far, the main thing is fatigue..not tired as tired is overcome by sleep and I've had sleep it's plain ans simple no energy at all...exhaustion

My hands are suffering this time more than last, especially my right hand...all raw, sore and very red, not much skin peeling..thank goodness.

Silly me went shopping in Asda this morning and perhaps I should have done an online shop instead...how can leaning on a trolley be exhausting?

Off to 'baby Club' this afternoon as I need a serious catch up with any gossip, shouldn't be to hard to sit drink tea and chat...I've missed too many weeks

Love Clare xx

CT scan day today.

I know it's important but I just hate wasting time waiting...

My appointment in the CT unit was 1.30pm but I have to have my port accessed for the iodine dye to go through so had to be in the chemo ward at 12.15...just in case they were busy.

Well they weren't and I'd been accessed by 12.30.  So I sat outside and read some of my book and a paper that some kind person had left me.

Went to the CT dept at 1.30pm and I'm surprised no one heard me groan as I went in..all but 2 seats left and everyone looking glum.  They were running approx 1.5hrs late.

I'd had to starve from 9.30am but in fact I hadn't eaten since 7.30am as that's when I finished my breakfast.

Had the barium drink at 1.45pm and questioned the nurse as to how late they were running as I didn't want to have the drink and then have to wait ages to be seen.  He didn't seem to understand the problem..and I explained..I'd had nothing to eat or drink and he was expecting me to drink a litre of this stuff and then sit there holding it in my bladder until they were ready for me...not bothered said his face to me!!

I did start drinking at about 2ish and went to the toilet at the time they said and then waited...after an hour I was bursting but then got called in.

The actual scan only took about 15mins.

I was so hungry when I got out I went straight to the cafe and brought a huge jam doughnut - stuffed it straight in my gob!!

Went back up to the chemo ward to have the line from my port removed and home.

I will never accept an afternoon appointment again as they always run late.  

Roll on 15th October when  Dr C will let me know if the chemo is working.

Love Clare xx

I have just the most lovely day shopping with Wendy.

She needed clothes...I just wanted more!

We both got loads of nice things me: make up/2 cardigans/2 tops/sunglasses and we also got Wendy's birthday present from me ( a Pandora bracelet and charm - well you're only 50 once!).  Wendy did well too 2 pairs of boots/2 tops/ neckless/sunglasses/make up and the bargain of the day a swim suit from M&S Autograph ...£39.50 down to £1...bloody excellent spot by me!!

Whilst in M&S a woman came up to me and said I love your hair where do you get it done?...I replied are you serious...it's a wig!!... she was gob smacked and said was I serious?

So at least I know it looks real enough to fool others..not sure why I told her it was a wig think I was just chuffed that she didn't realise!!

The day was finished off with a lovely and cheap meal (thanks to a voucher I had) at Prezzos and a couple of cocktails at 'The Mix'.

Haven't had a day like that in ages and I loved it..girly chat/laughs/spending and most of all...eating and drinking...right up my street

Love Clare xx

4th cycle of Taxotere...over half way now.

Another long day.  Got there at 8.30am and had my bloods done after 4 attempts to access my port.  Not sure why they're having problems with it.

Went down to clinic for my 9.30am appointment there were only 3 others there which is unheard of.. so in reality I should have been in and up to the ward in record time...you would think that wouldn't you? ....in true NHS style the path lab only processed one tube of blood and I had to wait over an hour for the WBC (white blood count), they won't let you have treatment without this result.

Got back up to the ward at 11.15am and then had to wait until 12.30 to be called in...

I did tell the registrar about my hands and feet hurting and she said they would keep the dose as it is for this cycle as they aren't too bad and if they get worse they'll re-think the dosage.

I was booking in my next treatment and the nurse said if I go on Friday 15th Oct I'll have to have a re-loading of Herceptin as it'll be over 28days...this means having it over 1hr and then sitting there for 4hrs after...so we compromised and I'm going twice that week...Weds 13th for Herceptin and Friday 15th for Taxotere.

All rather complicated when you have chemo brain

Love Clare xx

I have done what I said I wouldn't...I have a wig!!

I love it..it's very similar colours to how my hair was before I lost it BUT...it's a lovely bob, short at the back and long at the sides.

I don't know why I was so against having a wig..well actually I do.  Last time I had chemo I was pointed in the direction of the hospital 'Wig Shop'...bad move -  not that many to choose from and when I did it looked like a dead gerbil on my head...I took it back the next day and got a refund!!

If I decide to get another within 4 weeks (either the same or different) I can get it half price...still a small fortune but hey...it's made me feel so much better..

Love Clare xx

I reckon I've had about all the side effects that are on offer with Taxotere...

Saturday evening the skin on my thumb decided to peel away and is very sore.  My fingers have been tingling for over a week and my feet very painful at night, so I should have guessed what was to come 'hand foot syndrome' (Palmer planter syndrome is the posh name).

My eyes are constantly watering and it's so bloody annoying, my make up gets ruined - believe me that is the only nice thing about my face at the moment as I'm trying to make an effort and even that's getting a hammering!!

My ankles have decided to start swelling too..lovely look I sport these days...bald, fat, swollen ankles, watery eyes, ridged flaky nails, sore hands and feet...a vision of beauty...lol

Will mention it on Friday as I think they can prescribe Vitamin B6...or do something to stop it getting worse.

Some nice things do happen amongst all this crap.  I had a lovely weekend, with Wendy over Saturday lunchtime/afternoon and we had a good catch up, Judith and Gerry over Saturday evening for an Indian and the Strictly Launch was on and then on Sunday Alexandra came over for a coffee and a chat...we have left it too long when we only live 30mins away.

Love Clare xx

Oh what a dilemma..

I know I'm half way through chemo but I really think I want a wig for Wendy's birthday weekend away.

We'll all be dressed up and hopefully looking glam and I really think that I'd feel better if I had a wig for the occasion.

My lovely friend Helen who wears wigs when she goes somewhere special has said she'll pop round next week and I can try hers to see if I could wear one.  She told me about Hot Hair and they have some very nice wigs at quite reasonable prices.

So roll on next week and I may be wigged up...or maybe not!  If it wasn't for going away I wouldn't bother.

Love Clare xx

After thinking I'd covered all angles I was proved wrong.

All previous side effects (with the exception of fatigue) covered and treated...I then get really bad itching under my arms..yes I have thrush in my arm pits.

Luckily the creams I was given last cycle can be used and seem to be working.

I will not be beaten by this chemo and by the end of cycle 6 I will have all side effects covered even if it means our medicine cabinet looks like a chemist shop!

Still feeling very tired and although Jon has been off work still feel as if I just have to 'get on with things'...I seem incapable of doing nothing.

Love Clare xx

It's started...feel so whacked today and I didn't even get up until 9.15..

Drove to M&S and Asda as couldn't face walking (it's 10mins walk max) and have had a lazy day with Jack making shortbread biscuits and eating some of them!

The weather is so nice and yet I just can't muster up any enthusiasm/energy to do anything not even go round to the park.

Feel sorry for Jack as my patience with him is nil and he's a good boy really just a cheeky 4yr old that I can't handle when I'm feeling down.

I don't want him to remember his Mummy as a shouty Mummy..just wish I could chill out and let him be a 4yr old...it's so hard when you inherit the impatience gene from your father and feel crappy to boot.

I have a day on my own tomorrow as Jack is staying at Grandma and Grandad's tonight and they are taking him over to the Isle of Wight tomorrow..bus, train, boat, lunch and then back again!!  Wouldn't even get up except I've got to go to the Drs for my monthly Zoladex injection...if it's not one thing it's another.

My feet have started to hurt at night like a throbbing/bone ache sensation when they are still (yes it's a side effect)..hope it wears off and doesn't hang around constantly.

Just thought I'd write down how I was feeling as I always say 'I'm ok thanks' when if I'm a bit more honest I'm far from it..sometimes..

Love Clare xx