Oh my how fast this year has gone......

Highs of 2009:

January - Jack started Pre-school on Friday 9th, started back at slimming classes

February - Monday 2nd Jack enjoyed his first taste of snow, Bathroom was finally done after dragging our heels over it for 2yrs!!, Jack was toilet trained (missed the potty out totally!!)

March - dinner party with Professional chef at Hialry and Kev's, Hilary's 40th at  the Calcot

April - Mum's 80th birthday 'do' at Judith and Gerry's, Paul and Janys over, Jack's 3rd birthday

May - get together for the 'Biddles' birthdays - Jon prob can't even remember it!!!

June - had my port-a-cath fitted, Lisa's wedding 'do', went to Spain to visit Paul and Janys

July - Oasis at Wembley, Mon 13th I was given Medical retirement, Pink Summer Ball

August - Exmouth for the day with Mum, Dad and Jack, Beale Park meet up with friends, new stair carpet at last so glad t get rid of the horrible old one, Jack and I stayed at Judith and Gerry's for a few days

September - Conservatory finished (plastered, painted new blinds,etc), Coldplay at Wembley

October - Paul and Janys over,went to Boro for a week to see everyone

November - New bed delivered

December - Strictly Final round here with 'baby club' girls and of course Christmas with my family

Lows of 2009 (none until November)

November  - being told that my lung tumours are on the move and being joined by some others too, our darling cat Pookie died on 9th Nov and I miss her everyday

Not a bad year really just ended on a bit of a low, and now heading into 2010 with all the uncertainty around what treatment I will be having

At Wendy and Guy's this evening, with Jack this year as he's now getting to be a big boy and able to join in and stay up late!!...lots of Champers I reckon and definitely a few laughs and tears (as always!!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my family and friends xx

See you in 2010 - I'll be the one fighting all the way!!

love Clare xx

Went along for my dose of Herceptin today and my goodness it was busy...the nurses didn't even get time to chat today...

I did mention my chest and shoulder pain to one of the nurses and she's made me an appointment with Dr C next Tuesday...she said it may be nothing but if they are planning a treatment regime then it's best to get this looked into as I may have to have treatment for this too...

Me...well I think it's most likley bone cancer, starting in my ribs (going by what Dr C put in his letter to my GP), if this is the case then I will need treatment for it.  It gets worse at nights and feels just like you do when you've had an op and the gases get trapped under the shoulders...the chest pain is intermitent and sometimes I find it hard to get a big enough breath to cough...

Still no word of when the biopsy will be done so will tackle him about that too...

Scary times ahead I think but as usual I will face it head on and do my best to get through the tough times. 

Have decided not to continue going to Slimming classes as I haven't been too good lately and to be honest £4.50 to get weighed is a lot when you're not actually losing each week...also now I'm having my nasty nails done (and they look fab) the money I save on SW can go towards having my nails done!

Love Clare xx

Today I went to collect a letter from my Dr that she has done to send with Jack's schools admissions form (yes we are awkward and want him to go to the nearest school not the catchment one)..

The letter is just what's needed and hopefully we'll be in luck and get Jack into the school we've chosen...

However and there is a however...with the letter she enclosed a copy of my consultants latest letter to her...

Not nice reading really and I think she was under the impression that I knew what he'd said to her...

Yes, he's mentioned the original nodule increasing in size and that there is a new nodule, but then goes on to say there is possibility of subpleural ill defined nodules in the right hemithorax and that the texture of the left fourth rib in line with the anterior auxillary line, is also slightly abnormal and could be metastatic...

When I see him next I will most definitly be asking if I can have a bone scan to determine what is wrong with my rib.

It may explain the constant pain I'm experiencing in that area on and off since July but now there all day and at night it wakes me if I sleep on my left side.

So a bit pee'd off that my body is giving in so soon...but is it soon??  8 months was the original prognosis (given the type/size and locations of the tumours) Jon said we'd been lucky to have 3 nearly 4years of me being fit and healthy (obviously not healthy as such...but that's how I have felt)

So we'll be having a lovely Christmas and wait to see what the New Year brings..whatever it is it will be challenged all the way by me and my wonderful support network.

Love Clare xx

I've not been feeling great if I'm honest I have a pain in my chest that's there on and off it's like a muscular pain but I can assure any of you it isn't as I don't use muscles!!

It's been painful since about July and allsorts of things go through my head....lung mets sprouting up all over the place/bone mets in my ribs....heart attack!!!  Of course I've ignored it but now it's bothering me...

I have mentioned it to Dr Charlton but he didn't seem bothered but that may be because he knows I'm having that area looked at soon.

Who knows what next year holds for me....I just hope that it's not as bad as I'm thinking..

So with that in mind I'm determind to have a great Christmas and New Year...Jon and I are buying for each other this year and I have got him something very special...silly, but special that he can keep forever....

Love Clare xx

Good news - well sort of!!

Dr Charlton phone me this evening, apologised for not getting back to me sooner but did explain that he wanted input from all directions before he made a decision on what to do...

They (whoever that is) have done a fine toothcomb look at my last few scans and decided to go ahead with the CT guided lung biopsy but not until after 8th Jan 2010.....he's spoken to the 'lung bloke' who said waiting a few more more weeks wouldn't do any harm and the tumour could possibly have grown by a couple of mm by then giving more tissue to take to pathology.

I asked about chemo and it's on hold for now until they know what they're dealing with...if the tumour is Her2+ then they need to rethink the Herceptin treatment as it's obviously not working...if it's oestrogen + then they will prob go ahead with the Taxotere...

He reckons he'll get to see me end of Jan beginning of Feb for the results and then decide from there what to do.

So a bit of a reprieve over the holiday period.....

Love Clare xx

Yet another of my 'cyber' friends from BCpals has passed away...not unexpected but so cruel so near to Christmas....

She had a lovely outlook on life and was always there to support others and provide information on treatment etc..she wrote something in her blog that I think is so right...

There is no set age for death. People die when they die, not too early and not too late. They achieve what they are going to achieve in the years that they have. We should not mourn the years they did not have, nor the things they did not achieve. We should celebrate the years we shared with them, and recognise that they did what they did, and that it was enough, why should anyone feel angry or robbed when our time comes?   RIP Deirdre

I also had some awful news today that my Auntie Shirley (Mum's sister) has breast cancer and is having an op next Thursday and a scan to see if there is any spread - not sure of the full facts so will ring her later to have a chat.

That now leaves me wondering if either of the cancers I have are heriditery or not....do I need to know/want to know...I don't know!!

Still haven't heard back from my consultant and I have chased it up twice but hate to be a pest...I will ring again tomorrow morning as I think 17days is ample time to have a 'get togther' and decide what to do.

So all in all a pretty sad day for me today...

Love Clare xx