After my last post about being fed up I've 'had a word' and got back on SW 100%.

Had a lovely day today cooking with Wendy, we managed 4 recipies in all and shared the proceeds!!

For some reason, and I think I may know a small part of it.....I am extremely happy at the moment.  

I belong to a forum for BC 'sufferers' and sometimes it's just so upsetting to join in on there...I belong to the secondaries forum and we have a couple of very poorly women who aren't doing very well at the moment..

To be honest I've not been on there much at all and when I have I've skipped through the posts...

I know what's going to happen to me eventually (if the proverbially bus doesn't get me first) and I really don't need to live through someone else's suffering in a way that I may well suffer...

The forum is fantastic for info on treatment and trails available but sometimes a bit miserable for everyday mutterings...I shall leave it for a while as I love this lifted mood I'm in...

Obviously it's not just that that's making me smile...not sure what it is...but I'll have some more please...

Love Clare xx

Oh I'm so fed up with myself....

I really would like to lose 14lbs and am struggling big time with it.  I know what to do and how to do it it's just putting it in practice.

When you get told by 'medics' that you have a limited life expectancy, I know no one knows when the grim reaper will turn up but being told that in all probability you may not live another 5yrs the thought process changes and I then go on to think I should be able to enjoy what I like and not bother about watching what I eat....I do that and end up putting weight on.

I know the medication I take is renound for changing metabolism and I'm also being thrown in to the menopause un-naturally.

What can I do to get my head round this 'dieting' block that I've got?  I hate the thought of having more chemo, losing my hair again and ballooning like I did last time with the steroids.

I'm just so fed up think I'll eat some cake!!  You think I'm joking.....Jon has just cut me a slice of Porter Cake...yummmm.....

I will get this 14lbs off and by Christmas.....hopefully Christmas 2009, if not maybe 2010.....

Love Clare xx

My brother-in-law found this in the free newspaper 'Metro'

Despite the development of many newer drugs, tamoxifen -- which prevents tumors from being fuelled by the sex hormone estrogen -- has still remained the gold standard in treating hormone sensitive tumors.

According to the study published in Cancer Research, the long-term use of the common breast cancer drug places the consumer at an increased risk of developing a more aggressive, difficult-to-treat tumor.

Tamoxifen lowers the reoccurrence risk of estrogen-positive breast cancers by 60%.

It, however, increases the risk of developing a second ER negative (estrogen receptor negative) tumor in the opposite breast by 440%.

Scientists urged women to continue taking the medication despite the findings of their study, adding that the odds of developing a second tumor is very low in these individuals. 

So do I think I'm one of the unlucky ones and had been taking Tamoifen for 18mths when my 2nd harder to treat tumour appeared in the opposite breast?

Can I really have been that unlucky to be taking a drug to help my liver and lung tumours and ended up having a mastectomy?

Two questions I will never know the anwser to....

I'm still taking Tamoxifen - should I continue, what would my consultant say I wonder (I will be asking on my next clinic appointment), they always seem to brush these sorts of things to one side as they hate to be challenged on the treatment they are giving....

Something else to think about on top of everything else....

Love Clare xx