Another year gone by...

Highs of 2010:

January - Jack started at Radstock Nursery albeit a week late due to the snow closing the school!

February - We will Rock You in London for Carol's 60th, with the girls - Michelle, Mandy and Michelle.

March - Paul and Janys over from Spain. Mothers Day at Judith and Gerry's.  Jack's Birthday Party at Bracknell Trampoline Centre.

April - Jack's 4th birthday. My 44th!

May - Biddle's birthday in Shepperton. Holiday to Menorca.  Paula and Matthew got married.

June - Lounge finished and new sofa arrived

July - Mandy, Nicky, Olivia and Megan and Mam came to stay. Strawberry tea at Houses of Parliament with Wendy. Jack's 1st Sports Day.  Paul over for a week.

September - Purchased wig!! Mega shop for the day with Wendy and meal/cocktails after

October - Paul and Janys over.  Centre Parcs for Wendy's 50th.  Boro for a week at half term/Halloween party

November - Friday 5th last chemo

December - BCC Carol concert with Wendy.  Jack's Christmas Concert. Strictly Final round here with 'baby club' girls. Jack's 1st Panto and of course Christmas at Judith and Gerry's 

New Years Eve - Just staying at home with Jon and Jack tonight having a curry and a few drinks - I'm sat here in tracky bottoms, sweatshirt bald head and have my laptop on my lap both boys on the sofa watching 'Flushed Away' - it doesn't get much better than that...oh yes I could have well trained locks flowing around my ears...(next year maybe!)

Lows of 2010 (not that many thank goodness)

January - having to have a rib biopsy/bone scan

March - Paula going into hospital and being unable to walk

June - Radiotherapy to ribs and Dr C saying that he though chemo should be done as I have swelling in my neck

July -  5th July started chemo again, 1st (and last) visit to Legoland

November  - Paula died on 3rd and her funeral was on 18th

December - Health wise I'm feeling the worst I have since I was diagnosed with BC in 2006 and wondering what delights I have to come in 2011 treatment wise and even daring to wonder if I'll be here this time next year to do a 'Highs and Lows' of 2011.

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 HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my family and friends

Thank you for all your support over the past year, especially through the months I had chemo...and thank you for continuing to read my blog.

love Clare xx

So it for another year...Christmas is over and it went by in a flash.

Had a lovely time with some of my family.

Friday Jon, Jack and I went to see Sleeping Beauty at the Panto...great fun and lots of laughter.

Jack went to sleep as soon as we got home, but not until he'd got a plate ready with mince pie and oats and milk.  Jon and I finished wrapping the last couple of pressies and sat down with a few drinks and nibbles.

We were woken at 6.15am and Jack was so excited that Father Christmas had eaten his mince pie, Rudolf had eaten the oats and drank his milk and in return left presents!

After opening our presents we went to pick up Mum and Dad and we all headed over to Judith and Gerry's.

Dinner was lovely and so much of it!

Everyone including Jack chilled out for the rest of the day.

Boxing Day and Tim and Vic joined us.  They are great with Jack and kept him amused most of the day.

Jon and Tim were on a mission to get as plastered as they could and boy did they do it in style.

Both looked like the they were dead when they got up and I think they felt it!!

Adrian and Jess came at lunchtime and we all had a chat and then it was time for us to go.  I drove back as Jon was probably still over the limit.

I love being with my family at Christmas, just a shame that Jon's are so far away.  This year Mam and Brian went away and Mandy, Nicky, Olivia and Megan joined them for New Year..just as well as even if we'd have wanted to go up there Jon wouldn't have been given the time off!!

So just winding down now.  Still in pain on the left side of my ribcage but taking painkillers still.

I have a date for my CT Scan and it's 11th Jan so not long to wait.

Love Clare xx

Went along to the Dr's today to have my monthly Zoladex injection and it was booked in with the nurse as usual.

However, due to 'protocol' she isn't allowed to do it anymore so I had to see Dr S.  He's not the Dr I normally (just recently as he does the injections). 

Over the last few months he's got to know me better and we normally have a bit of a chat.  Today he asked how I was and I explained the pain etc and that I was going on to another drug as well as carrying on with Herceptin.

He was astonished at how I remain so positive.  I have people tell me that all the time and ask me how I remain so positive, it's hard to explain how I do, but I just do.

I told him that I consider it such a waste of time being negative over it as that would just make me miserable and what's the point in that?.  Also I have a 4.5yr old that needs a happy environment to grow up in and I have a huge support network of family and friends.

We had a really good chat about how I felt re: the future (or lack of it!) and he was amazed that I'd made funeral plans and have written my Order of Service.  I did explain that they aren't written in stone and can be adjusted/amended at anytime!!

He ended by wishing me a Happy Christmas and said he'd pray for me to get through treatment as best as I could with the least pain as possible. 

I knew he a practicing Christian but it was really nice of him to say that to me - after all he's only a Dr at my surgery who hardly knows me.

Love Clare xx

Saw Dr C and his registrar today and between them they think the best course of action is to start me on Pamidronate for the disease in my rib area.

Also do another CT scan (next, chest abdomen and pelvis) to what's been going on since I finished chemo.

I'll start the Pamidronate when I next go for Herceptin...so my very quick treatment time of 30mins will now be lengthened by about 90mins.

So that's what's happening..

Love Clare xx

To say I'm gutted is an understatement...

Had my last chemo on 5 November still getting over the side effects from that and now I have the pain back in my rib area that I had this time last year.

I was hoping for a good few months without pain or intense treatment  etc

I rang to see if I could get an appointment with the consultant as my next schedules one with him is 18th February.  The earliest date they have is 18th January (due to bank holidays etc).  So it will be pain killers until then.

I really hope this isn't the start of something really horrible, of course I have Paula's death fresh in my mind and that is making me think all sorts of scary thoughts.  

I told Jon what I was thinking and he said he wasn't ready for anything like to happen yet, especially next year...I asked if it was ok for it to be 2012 (tongue in cheek of course) and he just said "I'll never be ready for you to die as I love you too much"

I just hope that when the time does come he will be strong enough to cope with Jack and have a good life with him.

Time is moving so fast and I need it to slow down...Jack starts full time school in January and there was a time when I didn't think I'd see him start school. 

Just read that back and it sounds very negative...I suppose I am allowed the odd negative thought now and again...I won't linger here and will get back to being my happy cheery self.

Love Clare xx

Not a lot going on with me at the moment, just trying to catch up on seeing people I couldn't see when I was feeling so rough.

Although chemo is over I'm still suffering side effects.  Have bad fluid retention in my hands and feet.  It limits what footwear I can put on.  I do try and sleep with them elevated but then when I wake my whole leg is stiff and very painful.

I think my hair is on the move as instead of soft downy hair I can feel stubbly bits, I hope it comes back soon.  mind you it is nice to just get up in the morning and have to do nothing but a bit of eye make up and plonk the wig on.

Nearly ready for Christmas, cards written and most of the presents brought just need a few bit's and bobs , mainly for Jon!

We had snow overnight and it managed a covering but nothing like elsewhere in the country.  I did go out and it was quite scary as after lunch it had started to turn to ice.

Hoping that it goes as quick as it came and we can all get back to normality and be ready for the festivities.

Love Clare xx