Why are things never straight forward??

Went into town yesterday to have a look at a dress for the ball in July....it wasn't really suitable for me so whilst I was in the mood I had a shop around...

Tried on several dresses and all looked pants on me! I just happened to be walking past Country Casuals (yes, I know...ha ha) and spotted a dress in there that looked perfect for me and it was in the sale, so I went in tried it on but it was too big (at last). They didn't have anymore so I left feeling deflated and thinking will I ever find a dress with a suitable neckline?

Got home rang CC customer services who gave me the name of stores who stocked the dress...the first one I rang in Henley had one in the size I wanted and they let me pay over the phone and they would post it to me.

It arrived today....tried it on and it fits like a treat..BUT I noticed all over the front there is red marker pen....grrr!!

I rang the shop and they were very apologetic and said to take it back for a refund...they didn't have another one.

I rang another couple of stores who didn't have my size either...beginning to think it was not meant to be and rang one more shop in Beaconsfield...yeah they had one and will send it to the store in Reading where I can exchange the other one.

So semi-happy about it will be very happy when I have the replacement hanging in my wardrobe.

Can't really fault the shops as they all tried their best to help me and the Henley manageress was so embarrassed...(red pen is what they use to mark down reductions)

So I will wait for the call to tell me it's there.

Love Clare xx

After a 4 week wait I finally have my scan results...

It took my consultants' sidekick (his registrar) - the lovely Dr Scott-Brown, 40mins though to track them down as I could hear him on the phone through the door!!....I was going to give him what for but didn't have to, he was giving the radiographers what for and he wasn't a happy man but it 1got a result for me.

All looks ok BUT...there is a 5mm nodule on my lung that they aren't sure if it's the same one that's been there before or a new one - work that out 'cos I can't!! - surely you just look at previous scans or is that too logical??

The scanner is brand new high tech and he thinks that it has just showed the original nodule up much clearer...Yes, you've guessed...we'll keep our eye on it and re-scan in a few months time.

I had a bit of a reaction last time I had Herceptin and they've decided to give me 3 weekly doses once a week for the next 3 weeks together with steroids (urgh!!) and if there's no reaction then I can go back to 3 weekly doses (without steroids) I did admit that I'd been feeling poorly the night before the last treatment and think I may just have been dehydrated and not 100%...hopefully that was the reason and not an allergic reaction.

I did mention to him that I need 2 health reports doing and that my consultant's secretary said she'd pinned the medical request to the front of my file....registrar said the best place to pin the request was to my consultant's forehead!!! - looks like I'll be chasing that too...grr!

My appointment there today was 10.10am, went into one of the side rooms at 10.40am (30mins late not bad really)...got out of there at 11.40am and the look on people's faces when I walked out of the door...I, for once, was the one who took ages!!

Love Clare xx

Since my diagnosis I've been in a long term sick scheme through my employers. (I didn't ask to go in to it they automatically did it for me).The scheme runs for 2 years and my 2 yrs are up on 23rd April..I have the chance to apply for ill-health retirement under the Company I am now employed by (Capita) and to apply to my previous employers to take my frozen pension (Prudential - Capita took us over last April)

I have had a letter from my old employers saying their requirements and how much per annum my pension will be.
My current employers won't give any indication of the amount I may receive if it's granted and to be honest it's really worrying me...

At present I get 65% wage and incapacity benefit which I presume will have to be given up if I take IHR..I can't understand why they won't let me know how much I'll get as they must know how much I'll get.

I'm also very miffed that I should have been given the chance to take IHR when they put me into the Long Term sickness scheme, as my previous employers enhance the pension to normal retirement age...but alas it's now frozen so only get 20yrs service worth instead of 39yrs...

Again my current employers won't indicate what enhancement, if any is applied..and unfortunately under TUPE a pension isn't counted like other Terms and Conditions.

I'm seeing my consultants on Monday and know that he's already had the request for a medical report as his secretary said she's pinned it to he front of my notes for him. She said I should press him to make it urgent as she's still chasing a report that he had in November - if it takes 6 months to sort out I'll be so annoyed.

If I was still employed by Prudential they would have it all sorted by now and have been thoroughly professional...BUT...I'm now employed by Capita and they haven't a clue!!

Even if I get accepted for IHR I don't have to take it but knowing the figures would help...

I have been given the options of:

• Go back to work - even though there is no job for me now as all our work has been migrated to Mumbai! - (I was offered redundancy 2 yrs ago but declined)
• Stay employed on a no work no pay basis - that way I get to keep my death in service
• Take IHR (if they think I qualify for it after getting medical reports)

So not really much choice but to hope the Trustees of the Pension scheme agree that I can take it and then that the figures are ok.

Scary times....

Love Clare xx

Most of you know that I like food well last night we were invited to a surprise dinner party for Hilary's 40th...it was fantastic!! I would say it was the best food I have ever tasted.

Hilary's husband Kev had arranged 'Chef at Home' to come in and cook for us, he'd told Hilary that he was cooking for her...how he kept it secret I'll never know!


We got there at 7pm and waited anxiously for Hilary to arrive with Laura (who'd taken Hilary out for a drink to get her out of the way).


She arrived and had no idea...was totally surprised to see a French chef in her kitchen and then she came into the lounge and was surprised to see Julie, Ian, Jono and me sat there!


The eating started with Canapes - Blinis with soured cream, smoked salmon and caviar and crispy duck crepes washed down with Champagne!


Into the dining room to take our seats...Kev had even brought new table lined etc and it looked lovely.


Starter: Belly of Pork served with a honey and apple salad, apple chutney and crackling

Main course: Fillet of beef served with wild mushrooms, potato rostis, green beans, baton carrots, baby leeks, and a Madeira sauce - the steak was cooked to perfection.
Dessert: Creme brule, with strawberries and pistachio nut tuile

Loads of wine was drunk and we all had a lovely time..eating drinking and laughing!

We got home about 2am....I remember getting in the front door but after that it's all a blur!!

Jack was at Grandma and Grandad's last night so Jono and I were treated to a lie-in until midday - heaven!

Love Clare xx

So flippin' annoyed...

Rang Dr Charlton's secretary today to see what's going on with getting my scan results. She is going to chase them for me as good old Dr Charlton is away at a conference for a week!!

I had a letter from HR and they say they've written to Dr C for a report to see if I qualify for Ill-health retirement...just hope he's not as slow with getting that done as chasing my scan results!!

On a 'happier' note Jack had a fab time at pre-school today, they had a fun hair day and he went with his hair spiked up and sprayed red...
He thinks he's having it done again tomorrow....think again Jack!!

Love Clare xx

9th Herceptin

What a huge let down today was....

Didn't start very well either, Jack stayed at Mum and Dad's so I only had myself to get ready this morning and could get a good nights sleep...no such luck I was up about 4/5 times in the night feeling really sick.

I got up at 7am and was sick and then the diarrhoea kicked in!! I actually thought it might be because I was anxious/nervous of getting my scan results.

Got to the hospital and booked in on West Ward for my Herceptin and then went back downstairs for my appointment with the consultant.

He was only running 30mins late so that was a bonus!! He did the usual examination and when I said what were the results of my scan he said "what scan" I said I'd had a CT scan 10 days ago and he said he'd go and have a look on the computer. He came back and said that the results weren't there but he'd ring the radiologist and chase them up for me and ring me.

I was a bit surprised that they weren't there as a lady who had her scan 10mins after me had her results today.

Bloods I had done at the end of January were good so at least that's something.

I went back up to West Ward and they saw me straight away. All going well and I felt ok after the sickness earlier. Then just after an hour into treatment I felt really bad...clammy, shaky and really faint. I called one of the nurses who got me a fan and she stopped my treatment right away. They got me a bed to lay on in a side room and did my OBs..blood pressure was really low and I was still very shaky.

When something like happens they have to call one of the Drs to come. The Dr that came up said that before I had my next treatment I should see my consultant again to see what he suggests. I have an appointment on 23rd March.

I had to stay there longer than normal just to make sure I was ok to drive home.

I reckon I felt ill because I wasn't feeling 100% and I think I know what caused it....I had a Hartleys low calorie jelly, the pot was a bit sticky but the lid was intact...it wasn't until I washed up the pot this evening to put in the recycling that I noticed the bottom was cracked...I bet anything I got a bit of food poisoning from that - grrr!!

So a pretty pants day. Except for Wendy popping over after work to see me and help get Jack ready for bed.

Love Clare xx

Yesterday I felt totally exhausted (emotionally)...

I got a phone call at 8.30am to say one of my friend's Mum had died, I was then asked to phone another friend and I made such a hash of the call..what an idiot!! Still the message got through but I could have delivered it better...

I also had a visit from my boss to sort out what's happening with me after 23rd April as that's the date my Long Term Sick scheme comes to an end... I want to take Ill-health retirement and he can't see why I shouldn't so he's arranging a phone call from Occupational Health to assess whether I can apply or not. I can also apply to my previous emplyers to take my frozen pension but I have to sort all that out myself...can see that taking ages!!

I just hope they phone before Monday as I'm seeing my consultant on Monday and if I need anything from him then I can ask him then.

I was a bit disappointed to not have any figures to get an idea of how we'll be financially as we could potentially lose half of our income just like that.

Slimming World was disapointing last night too as I put on 1.5lbs and was so annoyed with myself..BUT today I'm back on it and will lose the 1.5 and more by next week....did I just say that??!!

Jack was sick just as I was about to go and get weighed, not sure what was wrong but he'd been saying he had tummy ache all afternoon.

Went into town today to spend some of my vouchers I got from Prudential for 20yrs service...I got some lovely Joseph Joseph chopping boards, a cute bin for the bathroom and a herb mill. Treated Jack to some sunglasses as he's always moaning that the sun is in his eyes, a t-shirt and a pull-back car. Oh and a Tom an Jerry DVD as he loves them...it was only £3!!

Made a lovely veg chilli this afternoon but it's becoming increasingly difficult to cook anything on the hob as only one ring works proprly now...must make more of an effort to get a new cooker.

love Clare xx

I said I'd post pics of the finished bathroom...here they are: from this..... to this.... The plumber came back today with the bath panel that we were waiting for he fitted that and did the mastic around the sink, floor and window...

Just have to wait to get the bill now!!

love Clare xx