I have news of 2 arrivals..

Calum Dominic Grealis born Thurs 15th April weighing 8lbs

Jacob William Peter Banks born Sun 25th April weighing 8lbs 10oz

Huge congrats to Hilary and Kevin and to Lisa and Mark

Going for a cuddle with Calum tomorrow and hope to see Lisa and Jacob very soon.

So nice to have some happy news.

Think I'm nearly ready for our holiday, just need the suitcases down and to decide what we are taking, if we need anything I can go and get some bits in the week.

I have my CT scan on Tuesday morning...no nerves about the actual scan as it doesn't hurt or anything, just a bit concerned at what the lung tumour found back in October is doing...all will be revealed on 18th May (I hope they don't mess up like last year and lose my results for weeks on end)

Love Clare xx

Yay...

Heard this morning that we got the school we wanted for Jack...

So pleased and a weight off our minds....

love Clare xx

Only 3 weeks and 2 days until our holiday...

Am feeing slightly nervous about going as I don't have any health insurance just my (European Health Card) and I'm having pain in my left shoulder/base of my neck and all over the top of my back (but only at night), which isn't going away.

I've got my scan on 27th April and have opted to stick my head in the sand (literally) and get the results on our return from holiday.  I don't want to know if there's anything 'going on' before we go, I just want to go and enjoy a week away.  Can this be done if I'm in pain though?  I hope so.

I know I should go and talk it through with my consultant sooner rather than later...but I'm not going to.

All in all feeling pretty shitty just now, so much going on in my head.

love Clare xx

I seem to be surrounded by sadness at the moment and it scares the hell out of me as I wonder how much longer my luck can continue. 

For the first time since I was diagnosed I'm beginning to get really frightened...

When you meet people through support groups who have cancer or meet people at the hospital on long term treatment like yourself you do put yourself up for sad times...I just doesn't get any easier.

I'm sat here in shock at the latest bit of sad news I have had.

Neila passed away on Wednesday.

I had the pleasure of meeting up with Neila through a Breast Cancer support forum and as we both lived in Reading we met at Royal Berks every 3 weeks when we had our herceptin done together.  She developed secondary breast cancer in her lungs and bones about 18mths ago.

This time last year she was galavanting around the Middle East...

She got quite poorly just before Christmas with fluid on her lungs and had to use oxygen and had deterioration in her shoulder but I saw her in February at clinic and she seemed to be coping really well. Her scan in March showed signs of lung tumour shrinkage...good news I thought.

She had to stop Herceptin for a while and when she re-started she had to have a re-loading on a Wednesday which then made our hospital visits out of sync with each other....oh how I wish I'd had the chance to meet with her one more time.

I know the staff on West Ward will be upset at her passing as she was a lovely lady to have around on herceptin days..

RIP Neila I will miss you and your wise words, laughter and the fun chats we had.

Thinking of Lionel, Christopher and Jenny at this very sad time.

Clare xx

My thoughts are with my friend Jane and her family...

RIP Paris...another taken by this cruel disease...

Clare xx

Happy Birthday to my darling Jack.

In 2006 when I was diagnosed I honestly thought I wouldn't see his 1st birthday let alone his 4th.

We had a lovely day, Jon was off work too so that made it even more special.  We weren't up too early (7.15am) and all came downstairs for Jack to open all his pressies.  He was needless to say thoroughly spolit.  We went bowling and had a great time...Jack even won the second game!  Off to MacDonalds for lunch (not my idea of a birthday treat but Jack loves it).

Round to see Grandma and Grandad this afternoon and took his birthday cake with us.

He finally went to bed at 8.30pm after he'd played on his DS since his tea....

I truly hope that the run of tests I have coming up will have results good enough for me to see Jack's next birthday.

love Clare xx

Just at the moment I seem to have such sad news to write about.

My friend Jo's little niece passed away yesterday aged 18mths....cancer is a cruel cruel disease and doesn't care who gets in it's way.  Just feel so sad for them.

Paula didn't come home yesterday as they said her movement wasn't enough...I really hope she can be home for her 40th birthday next Sunday (11th) and Alice's 4th on the 15th.

My friend Jane is also going through a very difficult time with a close friend and my thoughts are with her and her family.

I've got a date for my scan (27th April) and I hope to tie in the results appointment with my next heart scan that way I only have to see Dr C once instead of wasting both our time and having 2 appointments....we are talking NHS so anything could happen!

I have been having pain in my shoulder area again and I just hope it's the side effect of the Zoladex as at the beginning of treatment it can flare up tumour sites.

All I want is to get through our holiday and have a fab time with my 2 boys - anything else can be seen to after we get back.

I did managed to have something good happen this week.  I ordered a swimsuit and it looks good (well as good as it can on me), so I'm pleased and I got a lightweight prosthetic to go with it. Cost quite a bit, I'm use to buying cossies for £10 from Asda etc this one was £37 (£22.50 for prosthetic)...mind you most of them to order are between £50- £80.  Now if that isn't playing on someones unfortunate deal in life then I don't know what is!!

Anyway mythoughts are with all those who are sadder than me at this time.

love Clare xx