I seem to be surrounded by sadness at the moment and it scares the hell out of me as I wonder how much longer my luck can continue. 

For the first time since I was diagnosed I'm beginning to get really frightened...

When you meet people through support groups who have cancer or meet people at the hospital on long term treatment like yourself you do put yourself up for sad times...I just doesn't get any easier.

I'm sat here in shock at the latest bit of sad news I have had.

Neila passed away on Wednesday.

I had the pleasure of meeting up with Neila through a Breast Cancer support forum and as we both lived in Reading we met at Royal Berks every 3 weeks when we had our herceptin done together.  She developed secondary breast cancer in her lungs and bones about 18mths ago.

This time last year she was galavanting around the Middle East...

She got quite poorly just before Christmas with fluid on her lungs and had to use oxygen and had deterioration in her shoulder but I saw her in February at clinic and she seemed to be coping really well. Her scan in March showed signs of lung tumour shrinkage...good news I thought.

She had to stop Herceptin for a while and when she re-started she had to have a re-loading on a Wednesday which then made our hospital visits out of sync with each other....oh how I wish I'd had the chance to meet with her one more time.

I know the staff on West Ward will be upset at her passing as she was a lovely lady to have around on herceptin days..

RIP Neila I will miss you and your wise words, laughter and the fun chats we had.

Thinking of Lionel, Christopher and Jenny at this very sad time.

Clare xx