Sunday 1st April 2007

Been feeling a bit ‘blue’ lately and very tearful, only in private and when I have nothing better to do.

I’m worried about the scan in a week or so as although nothing may have happened to the liver or lung it could throw up all sorts of other things and there is a 2 week wait for the results.

I have also been letting my imagination run away with me and think I may need to speak to someone in the know (Macmillan) about what could happen to me. No one has even gone down that route and as a result it worries me.

I’ve been having ‘twinges’ down my right side a couple of times a day for about a week but I have also been feeling fluey and ache all over at the moment, of course it’s my liver enlarging and I keep pressing to see if I can feel it…what a daft cow!! Maybe when I’ve reached my goal weight but the chances of feeling anything at the moment are pretty slim…unlike myself.

I’ll have a decision to make regarding work over the next couple of weeks and that worries me too, as I’d hate to make the wrong choice.

The strong positive lady is still here but just sometimes feels that everything is so unfair.

The older Jack gets the harder it seems to face up to the future.

Tomorrow I’ll be feeling different again, so it’s not an ongoing ‘blue’ feeling.

love Clare xx