Right then where do I start..

Yesterday (31st May - 5yrs since original diagnosis) I was so bad again that I called the Dr for a phone consultation.

I got a call from Dr Shaw who said he wanted to come and see me.

Spent most of the morning between dozing and  in the bathroom throwing up.

Dr S came round at 1pm and did lots of tests eg. eyes, ears, strength of arms legs..etc etc

He wasn't happy and immediately got on the phone to Royal Berks to get a bed organised in Clinical Decisions Unit.  An ambulance was called and as I wasn't an emergency it would be approx 1-2hrs.  Just enough time to get a bag packed!

My neighbour Anita came over and helped me get a few bits together and at 3.30pm the ambulance arrived.  3 very nice paramedics and a bumpy journey to the hospital..so much paperwork it's madness.

Taken straight to CDU and luckily for me got a side room on my own (due to sickness and diarrhea)

All usual things done bloods, vital signs and went through symptoms for a 3rd time.

Didn't have to wait long before a lovely lady consultant came to see me...again (4th time) went through symptoms (was beginning to think it was some kind of test!)...she did all the tests and more that Dr Shaw did but not before telling me the results of the CT brain scan.

She said, no beating about the bush, but in a nice calm way, that I had 4 areas of metastasis in my brain .

At that I promptly threw up! Then cried.

Straight away they gave me steroids and painkillers and within 20mins the head pain had gone.  She explained that the tumours swell and push against the skull and the skull being hard doesn't give way to the pressure.

I dozed most of the evening and was so glad to be in a side ward...outside in the bay old lady shouting to herself, one died!! and all the others moaning between them at the noise..I just shut my door and managed to sleep...until the night consultant woke me at 2am to go through it all again and have obs done!

This morning another 'team' came round and his time they told me my symptoms and I just said 'yes' to it all.

Finally someone from the Oncology team came at 2pm and went through the plan..5 doses over 5 days of radiotherapy to the whole of my head which means I could lose and probably will lose hair and it won't grow back..what a total piss take..excuse my language! Steroids to stop the swelling so bald and fat once again..

I got out at 4.30pm when Helen (Roberts) came to pick me up, she'd had Jack all day and rather than wait until 6.30pm for Jon to pick me up she came for me.  Only prob was I had no clothes other than pyjamas and dressing gown, did I care did I **** waited outside the hospital, got a few funny looks but I couldn't have cared less (they prob thought I'd escaped from Prospect Park hosp!!)

Now for the hard part..Breast Care Nurses said there would be no problem in claiming on my 12mth terminal illness policy..but I may defy the average yet again and get longer..I hope so.  If I miss the Olympics in our country I'll be so annoyed!

Driving license has to go to DVLA no more driving for me and that will be a tough one to get use to...one car for sale!!

So still positive frame of mind as what's the point in being anything else.

I have so much support from family and friends and I just hope that I can learn to ask for help and take the help offered, it's hard when I can't offer anything back.

So spare a thought for us and the tough times we face as a family.

Oh just one more thing spent £95 on a mouth guard that I probably don't now need, teeth grinding causing bad heads seems so much more attractive than the diagnosis I got.

Enough from me on this I'm all brained out.

Love Clare xx