Feel crap about the way I look...just plain bloody miserable today..
My face is so bloated that I don't want to go out now, my eyes and nose are the same size as they were and my cheeks are just so puffed up I can see them nearly touching my eyes.
Have reduced steroids as well but it's not improving..
Of course it's not all steroids, I feel hungry all the time and no amount of fruit etc that I have in the house stops me from eating all the crap we have in here too...sweets/crisps/biscuits/choc..I know we don't have to have it but Jon and Jack like it, why should they go without because I have no self control.
I think I'm more upset with myself as I said I wouldn't go down the eat what I want route as I'm 'ill'...I'm not ill as such and have full control of what I eat - so why aren't I listening to my head instead of my stomach?
My hair is so thin now and it's virtually non-existent on the crown. Anyone who's known me for a while will know that I loved my hair and always had it looking nice...I feel like a freak now..
So it's not enough to have a fat face but no hair to speak of either. Can't wear my wig as it just looks silly with the size of my face and of course on holiday it would be too hot. So have resorted to wearing a hat..thin baker boy one so I don't get too hot.
There's another worry, afraid good old Easyjet will pull me up as I look nothing like my passport pic and I won't want any pictures taken of me whilst we are away...can I do something in 2 weeks?...I will try.
Just feeling a bit miserable today, Jack has been off school all week, he's doing my head in to be honest as there is nothing wrong with him, so full of beans etc but every now and again needs to rush to the loo..keeps answering back and not doing as he's told...to be fair he's probably bored out of mind as indoors all day.
So a miserable Thursday here. I hope a happy Friday as I'm out with Hilary, off up to Worcester Gardens at Oxford Uni, where her sister is the landscape gardener there...bet it's fab. Don't want to put a downer on the day out.
Not like me to moan or be upset but sometimes it just creeps up on me and this afternoon was one of those times.
Feel so sad for you and your 'low' day Clare. Its so hard trying to stay upbeat 24/7 especially when you (as you say) "hate the way you look" I know how i feel when im hating on myslef and mine is nothing to do with what you are going through just pure laziness & being a pig. Try not to beat yourself up about it - have you tried the usual things like a manicure, pedicure, fask mask etc etc - helps for me sometimes even if it doesnt change the way i look - it helps how i feel inside. Your beautiful inside & out Clare and just put it down to a bad day - i know i dont have to say too much as you know the score and you are brilliant at picking yourself up. But hey remember its OK to have a shit day or even 2 or 3 :-) XXXX Natashya
ReplyDeleteClare,
ReplyDeleteYou have been so strong sometimes you need to have a low day. I think you looked lovely today and you are such a remarkable person.
Hope Jack is able to go back to school soon. If you need me to have him to give you a rest at all please let me know. If there is anything I can do at all please let me know.
Hope you have a good day tomorrow.
Sinead xx
((Clare)) I am sorry you are not feeling good about yourself, You will always be beautifu.
ReplyDeleteTake care Sue s