Monday 1st September 2008

Been thinkoing about little ones preparing to go off to school for the first time and hope that I will be preparing with Jack in a couple of years time. When I was having a chat with the surgeon about reconstruction I made a remark about it not being worth it as I'm already nearly half way to the 'average' prognosis and he said that initially, before any treatment they had given a prognosis of 18mths.

Obviously I responded well and have gone passed the 18tmths, but I keep wondering how long can the liver and lung tumours keep away, periodic CT scans just make me nervous as I dread the results...

Have so many questions that can't be answered as 'the people in the know', don't know.

After this last diagnosis I'm beginning to feel that I should be making the most of what time I do have but sometimes I just can't be bothered....yesterday I felt guilty as we'd done nothing all day...but should I really be expected to be out and about all the time.

I'm gutted that we go away on Saturday and where we are staying is a lovely indoor pool that I will just have to sit and watch Jack in with Jon....this horrible disease not only shortens your life but also takes away some of the enjoyment that I have at the minute.

Gosh just read this back and obviously feel sorry for myself today.

I think these thought/feelings are always there I just chose to shut them away and try and get on with things.

love Clare xx