Monday 8th October 2007

Wow, a long time since I updated this ...which can only mean things have been going ok, until quite recently...not sure why really...I have been having more 'down' days than I have before but it seems as Jack gets older the more I get upset.

Warning...bit of a rant...Someone said to me recently that no one knows when they are going to die and that they could get run over next week...I think she was trying to say 'pull yourself together'...she has had BC and it is 7 yrs since her treatment finished...she doesn't have secondaries and I really wonder sometimes if she realises how hard it is to carry on as normal knowing that you have an incurable illness.

I visit a BC forum and one of the ladies on there had an interview with a magazine...all went well until she said that she had secondary cancers..the interview ended and they said they wouldn't be publishing it as they really wanted a 'good news' story i.e a Kylie story..had it, done the treatment and getting on as normal again...it makes me so mad.

I have a CT scan tomorrow and it's been on my mind for ages. I did have the choice of waiting until next April but if there is anything going on in there I want to know asap. I get aches and pains and wonder whether it's on the move or the exisitng tumours are growing.

Dreading not being able to do the things I do now without a second thought I will get the results on 23rd Oct..another 2 week wait when as I go through the machine they know exactly what's going on but they are not my Oncolgist so cannot tell me anything.

We had a lovely holiday but I just couldn't wait to get back to my home and comfort zone.

I really need to get my act together so we have a fab Christmas..can't even think what to get Jack..how sad is that there are shops full of things.

Well, this turned into a mini rant. I am just being honest about how things are.

love Clare xx