Here I am at 2.30pm wide awake thanks to my lovely Dexamethasone.
Still has it's good points, dishwasher emptied, breakfast things sorted so, not so 'rushed' in the morning!
I'm a bit of an idiot really as sat here on my own I did a bit of the dreaded 'googling'...yes we all do it but for many different reasons..
I just happened to look up 'brain metastases' on good old Wiki - I've done it before but that was ages ago when 'it wasn't going to get me there'.
Not nice reading at all and if I'm honest I'm now even more terrified and scared for those around me.
I have so much to sort out before I'm no longer able, either due to feeling ill and not being bothered or just plain old incapaciated.
I have made a good go of things I started way back 5yrs ago...Think I've just about finished an 18 page 'book' for Jack (all about me, pics, words, explanations of my life), funeral plan, people to notify, order of service (although that gets tweaked daily depending on how I feel!!), newspaper obituary (of course the dates have been left out!!), where all my important papers are kept etc etc..
Going to the crematorium this week to have a look around, as I quite fancy East Hampstead Nine Mile Ride. The crematorium at Caversham is so creepy and dull it would make anyone miserable let alone going to a funeral! Also paying a visit to the undertakers, choosing what I want and paying for it.
I have many capable family and friends who could organise such things but why should they? I know what's to come and if it makes it easier for just one person that I've done it all before hand then it will have been worth any tears along the way from me - I don't do tears easily as I've said before I find it a waste of energy buy hey I'm a woman and we all like a good old blubber if we're honest.
Just have to work on some foodie pointers for Jon, he is a great cook with instructions but no one should be forced to eat 8min steamed carrots!!
So maybe I should this week go through my documents one by one finish them off, print and enjoy what time I have left knowing that all should be in order on day of departure!
Sorry for rambling but it just happened...just like the warm milk and 2 biccies I've scoffed!!
You have tremendous courage and love Clare. Those around you are very lucky to have you. What a hard time - my thoughts and prayers with you all. No words of wisdom - I guess you make this up as you go along and do whatever seems to work best... You are so very much on my mind.
ReplyDeleteLots of love
Julia
Clare, I did a lot of gulping reading that! You are so strong and selfless. I hope that if I ever face something like this, I can do so with the dignity and courage that you are showing. You are an inspiration
ReplyDeleteLove and lots of hugs xx
((Clare)), the words of the ladies above mirror exactly my own, your dignity and courage in the face of this is truly inspiring.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs to you my dearest friend...
Sharon.
Do you know what I was close to tears (not good when sitting at ones desk in a busy office) reading this but also couldn't help a big old grin too: Is just so you Clare. Getting everything organised and sorted.
ReplyDeleteI hope I would be the same, certain things I cannot abide at funerals and would hate to think of them at mine. I want people laughing at my funeral along with the tears because thats how I was in life.
Love and admire you Clare .... keep up the fight girl.
Alexandra x
Thank you ladies...
ReplyDeleteAlex - Exactly how I feel - would hate 'certain' things ruining my send off!!
Think I've sussed a good one...we shall see and I'll let others judge that!
Plenty of fight left in me yet.
C x
You fabulous girl, you....
ReplyDeletexxx
"Ditto"
ReplyDeleteCan't think of anything else clever to say (no surprise there then) except to say we love you to bits and wish deeply that we could take this all away for you xx