Had a lovely day up in London with Wendy for an Afternoon Tea at St James Hotel.

Went 1st Class to Paddington and taxi to Harrods, had a good look around the Christmas shop, very nice indeed.

Stopped off at Cafe Rouge for drinks, both of us had 2 glasses of wine. 

Then when we went to leave I had a 'funny' turn.

Lost the use of my right side and went down like a sack of spuds in the gutter outside Harrods. A family walked past and stared, so I said I'm not drunk just ill, then they came back for a better look!! A lady stopped and helped Wendy get me up, nearly got run over by a taxi, can laugh now. Was more worried I'd ripped my leggings or scuffed my boots!

It literally last 5mins or so, and after all is ok again.  Taxi to hotel where we had a delicious tea.  Champers to start, dainty sandwiches/warm scones with cream, jam and the best ever lemon curd/fancy cream cakes (small ones but very rich), washed down with blackcurrant tea.

Made our way back by taxi to Paddington and managed to get a few 'supplies' in M&S for the evening ahead.

Have woken this morning (5am) with really bad pains in my knees, feels like someone has knee capped me.

Maybe alcohol doesn't agree with me after all, saying that the last time I had leg pain I hadn't had any alcohol.

Will do some investigation.

So nice quiet day here with the exception of me wincing every 2 seconds!

**update** - knee pain has gone, didn't even notice it go just went, but that's all good.

Love Clare xx

Yay,

As the song goes - 'woke up this morning feeling fine'

Did wake up briefly in the night and took a Tramodol, back to sleep until time to get up.

No head pain or fuzziness which is truly wonderful.

Feel the best health wise today than I have in a long time.

Hilary took me shopping, back here for lunch, then nails done this afternoon.

Sarah E took Jack to Taekwando for which I'm really grateful, Jon went to collect him whilst I did us tea.

Really looking forward to a day in London tomorrow with Wendy, afternoon tea at St James Hotel.

Hoping that tomorrow morning I wake feeling like I did today.

Happy Happy Happy.

Love Clare xx

Went to GP this morning for me 4 weekly Zoladex injection.  Spoke to him about the head pain that starts up about 3.30am.

He suggested that I take 4mg of steroid as I have been when I wake up and then  another 1mg at lunchtime.  See how that goes and maybe drop to 0.5mg at lunch in a couple of weeks.

I did mention losing my balance, going lightheaded and not being ale to move my leg/foot.  Have to speak to Dr C about that next week...he may according to my GP want to scan sooner than January.

Also been to hospital today for Echo and all is ok, there so took results up to ward and they will get them authorised for next Friday.

So really a case of trial and error with the steroids.

Love Clare xx

I want to know what is happening to me.  So frustrating to feel ok one minute and then completely drained the next. Losing my balance at least once a day and the use of my right leg now and again.

Woke up with yet another banging headache.  Right across my forehead and in my right eye.  Luckily Jack was at Grandma and Grandad's last night so I had a lie in until 11am!  Once painkillers and steroids taken the pain eased.

Think I need a serious chat with GP on Tues about meds as they obviously aren't lasting all night and then I'm waking up in pain.

I'm sure between us we'll sort something out.

Had to do a weekly shop at Asda and that was tough as it was busy and hot.  Lunch at Mum and Dad's and a bit of a rest.  Jack asked to stay over again and of course they said yes.  So Jono and I came home and I had a lay down (again).

Nice chilled evening watching 'Strictly'.

Love Clare xx

Ah, that's more like it. No head pain in the night and got straight up this morning. Very strange indeed.

Feel human today - until lunchtime.

Only worrying/scary thing was my friend Helen (D) came to pick me up and we went to Sheeplands Garden Centre for lunch.  After having lunch I had difficulty with my right leg.  It didn't seem to want to work.  Helen had to hold me up or I'd have been on the floor.  I've had trouble 'dragging' my left foot but never my right.  Only lasted a few minutes but was very scary.

Good job I brought a snazzy walking stick to use if I need to.  Just have to get over the fact that I may need one!

Love Clare xx

One step forward two back.

Woke up this morning and knew as soon as I got up it was going to be a struggle.

Texted my friend Lesley who we walk to school with and she came to collect Jack.

Back to bed for me after I'd been sick, much to Jack's delight - wow did you see that - er yes I certainly did!! Wouldn't normally do it in front of him but he was cleaning teeth and I couldn't wait.

Head was thumping all day long and felt nauseous, managed to ring Macmillan nurse and she said straight away to go back to 4mg of steroid every morning.  I also mentioned that there was blood in my sick (I say sick but it was literally bile), she didn't say too much just asked if it was streaky or not!

Dosing all day is just so boring. 

Jono got his and Jack's tea/lunches etc ready and he actually said that although he doesn't want to think about it he knows he can do the things I do.  He's a brilliant Daddy.

Got up at 8.30pm to stretch my legs etc and I will be going back to bed soon.

Let's hope tomorrow is a better day

Love Clare xx

Much better start to the day today.

Slept through from 10.50pm to 5.30am which is a first for weeks if not months.

Got loads done today.  Got Jack's advent calendar ready as it takes a while to attach the match boxes so didn't want to leave it last minute.

 double click and it will be bigger

After that I sorted out some cross stitch stuff as I need to a card for Jack for Christmas and a couple of other cards.

Then I finally finished my 'book' that I've done for Jack.  It is all things about me that he may want o know, from my birth to his.  All sorts of things in it, school/work/friends/family/fav things/ his birth story etc.

Just need to get it printed like and annual.  So pleased with it.

Also amended some 'funeral' stuff and 'wishes' stuff and have done a list of things that I'd people to have.  Found a fab website that uses ashes to make things.  Showed Jon and he's happy for it to be done.

http://www.bathaquaglass.com/memorial-glass.html

I think it's a nice idea and then rest can still be scattered if Jon wishes.

So productive day without to much exertion.

Love Clare xx

I feel crap.
So sick of waking early morning and my head pounding, makes me feel sick and I hate that feeling.

I know that there is lot going on inside my head (as in tumours not thoughts) but I just wish I could wake and feel 'normal', instead of wobbly/feint/sick.  It's very scary.

Had a lovely time at Sue Ryder Fireworks and Halloween last night.  Next years date was printed on the programme, do I think I'll be here to go?  No, not if I'm honest and baring a miracle.  I said to Wendy yesterday that I hope to make my 46th birthday but even that's now making me think I'm being too optimistic.

Oh this is turning into a 'poor me' post.  When I feel ill that's how it makes me feel.  I hate being like this.

I will snap out of it soon.

**update**

I did indeed snap out of it, by 9am I was feeling 99% better and had a good day in the end. Made cakes, did washing, ironing, roast dinner and bits and bobs around the house

Nothing keeps me down for long.

Love Clare xx

Hospital again today,  3 weeks go so quickly.

Treatment done fairly quickly but then had to wait over an hour to see Dr C.

Told him I hadn't reduced steroids and he was fine with this and suggested that I reduced by 1mg from the weekend, so I will reduce Sunday as nothing going on Sunday and Monday so if I feel rough I can go to bed.

I asked what the situation was with brain tumours i.e. what can be done when they start up again.  He said if one particular area was causing me 'trouble' they would consider a targeted area of radiotherapy.

I have a hard lump on my right breast and he said last time that he thought is was scar tissue from my lumpectomy. I asked again as not convinced but he is adamant.

He's planning a CT for after Christmas. Which is a good thing as it shows he thinks I'll still be here for that!

Met Mum, Dad and Jack in town.  Back to their house and then Jono, Dad and I went out in the evening for a meal at Tampopo.

Love Clare xx

Another one succumbs to this hideous disease.

This time it's the daughter of a fellow BC suffer that I met on the BC forum. 

Karen was only just 40yrs old and leaves a hubby and daughter aged 5yrs.  She like me had extensive secondary cancers and ultimately they were in her head.

Jon immediately asks when she was diagnosed and I know what he's thinking.  She was diagnosed with brain mets in March I think, my friend Paula was diagnosed in March last year and both are now gone 7mths on.

By my reckoning I may make end of Jan if I follow form...better do as want a nice Xmas and have just got tickets to see Blood Brothers at end of Jan!!

It truly is the most indiscriminate, hideous disease that there is (no offence to MS/Motor Neurone etc suffers but this is happening to me).

RIP Karen and may your Mum Marie have the strength to go on as the days go by.

Love Clare xx

Sad day as I decided that my wedding and engagement ring had to come off as my fingers have got so fat. 

I tried yesterday using soap/vaseline/making my fingers cold etc but to no avail. Should have done it weeks back in hindsight.

Went into town and had both of them cut off. The man in the jewellers was so nice to me (he lost his 1st wife to cancer, she must have been so young as he wasn't as old as me I don't reckon).

I have engraving on the inside of my wedding ring but it was impossible to see where the writing ending and unfortunatley he cut through the date but promised that they would make good when putting it back togehter.  I did go to a reputable jewellers with a doorman (get me!), so should be ok, just didn't fancy Samuals/Ernest Jones dealing with me.

Both rings will be ready in about 2 weeks.

I decided not to have then made bigger as I may have to have them off again so I'm having them mended and will put away safely for Jon to look after for Jack to have one day.

Couldn't have a bare finger so got a cheap silver ring that looks ok, well I think so.

Love Clare xx

Busy old week last week...

Tuesday Paul and Janys arrived from Spain to stay a few days, which is lovely now we can put them up as I get to see more of them.

Wednesday Wendy's birthday lunch at London Street Brasserie..lovely. 

Thursday was my lovely hubby's 40th Birthday...we dropped Jack at school and went into town to get Jono some new clothes...he managed to get 2 pairs of jeans/a coat/a jumper and a shirt. We had lunch at Prezzo's which was lovely.

In the evening we went for an Indian with Paul, Janys and Dad...again lovely.

Friday I went to Lucinda's Mum's funeral...very sad, as I kept thinking what if that was my Mum...she was a loved lady and so many nice things said about her.

Saturday was a day of bit's and pieces..shopping for tea on Sunday and tidying up.

Sunday we went to The Moat House for lunch to celebrate Jono's birthday with my family and it was really nice.  Back here for cream tea and birthday cake.

So busy weekend but I had lots of help so not too tiring.

Love Clare xx

Woke at 4.30am and felt retched, the pain across my right eye and forehead was excruciating.  I didn't want to take my daily dose of steroids at 4.30am so put up with it until 6am...felt quite sick with the pain so had some paracetamol as well.

For then 1st time since being dx with brain mets I was scared today...eek!

Went to Finchampstead as Jack had TKD testing and we got there, walked up stairs and I started to lose my balance, felt really wobbly and didn't feel as if I was in the room, had to sit down before I fell down.  Recovered enough to have a shortbread and latte after which I felt a bit better.

Have had waves of lightheadedness this afternoon and feeling of not being too steady, but Jack and I just chilled out for a while.  He is such a good boy as never asks to go anywhere or do anything when I'm not feeling too good...just tells me he loves me.

When I was with Jon yesterday, I was having trouble walking, dragging my left foot now and again...hoping that increasing the steroid dose from this morning will sort it out.  I know that I can't keep the tumours at bay for ever but would like to see another Christmas/birthday feeling relatively well and of course Tim & Vic's wedding...is that too much to ask?

Love Clare xx

Hospital again today for my 'normal' treatment.

Went in about 9.30am (as they drug company 'forgot' to send tall the Herceptin orders!!) and was out and down in clinic for 11am.

Had a bit of a wait as usual but saw Dr C and went through my list of  'niggles'...main one being head and eye pain so, unfortunately he said double the dose of steroids for 10 days if it calms down reduce again to see if it is doing any good. Not what I wanted or need but if it's prolonging my life then so be it.

Jon was off today so he picked me up and went to lunch and then to Nationwide and paid off our mortgage...how lovely but a shame I have to be ill to do it!!  Through a bit of a hissy fit at the redemption figure £751.00!!! plus admin charges of £90!

Popped round Mum and Dad's for a cuppa and chat, picked up Jack from school and went to do weekly shop at Asda...very busy and one miserable child...make me so angry!! - his legs hurt could he go in the trolley, can I have, can I have...I think my idea of shopping and phoning Jon to pick me up was the best idea...but no they wanted to shop with me...

All sorted and pit away for another week...think I'll go back to home delivery...much more calming!

Love Clare xx

Jack went to his 1st football match at the weekend Reading v Boro...not a good scoreline 0-0 and he managed to fall asleep for 20mins of the 2nd half!!

Nathaniel and Aaron stayed over corrupting their Uncle...not that it takes much, but good time was had by all and that's what counts

Mondays are starting to be a struggle..Jack's school stuff weighs a ton and there's no way he can carry it...it really hurts my back but it could also be due to the size of my huge stomach.  The more weight I put on the worse I feel - no energy/aching/getting out of breath/walking slower.  If I want to defy the odds I have to start helping myself.  No one else can do it for me.

I have said it before but this time really want to make an effort with losing some weight.  It makes me so miserable seeing what I've turned into..so I have done a dinner menu for the next 2 weeks, I do have quite a few meals out socially and will promise to myself to choose off the menus wisely.

Why is it so hard?..

Having cancer is hard enough without all the associated crap.

Love Clare xx

Have had a lovely weekend.

Saturday was busy, flu jab for Jon and I in the morning.  

Went up to Marlow to meet Tim and Vic for lunch at the Harvester, an hour(ish) in the park after to let Jack run off excess energy and then off to get Jack's pageboy suit fitted.

Sunday we had a bit of a slow start my head was hurting when I woke up, so went back to bed for a while.  I hope it's a one off and tomorrow I'll be ok.

Off to Wendy's for Sunday lunch and as usual it was delicious.  Had to leave at 4.30pm as Jono was off to Boro (his Nanna's funeral tomorrow) and he had to go and pick up Nathaniel from Kent on the way (not on the way at all but hey ho!)

Judith and Gerry called in on their way back from Gloucester and stayed for a couple of hours.

So a busy but nice weekend.

Love Clare xx

At last I have a nominated Macmillan Nurse.  Her name is Ellen and she a lovely very knowledgeable lady.

She took notes on my whole diagnosis since 2006 and medication I'm on.

Has offered to send me leaflets and stuff on available activities at the Macmillan Centre and suggested we may like to go to the Macmillan Hotel in Bournemouth for a short break.

So although I don't feel I need her on a regular basis just now I know that she's only a phone call away if I do need any help or have any questions.  She will also try and get Dr Charlton to get a move on with my life claim..he's had the request since June!

She also suggested that we may like to contact Daisy's Dream so they can talk to Jack...he's already started asking questions and they are much better qualified to help us with him rather than messing up and trying to answer ourselves.  I will ring them next week.

Love Clare xx

On my own tonight as Jono away at Nathaniel's.

Feeling a bit sad actually, doesn't happen often but every now and again it creeps up on me out of the blue.

TV is boring even though we have just had Sky installed there still isn't anything I want to watch.  So I have been listening to music on You Tube.  

I can't believe that I was a carefree 16yr old out and about with friends never breaking the law but on the edge sometimes...and having no idea what the future held, just living for that day.

Just went up to the loo and caught sight of myself in the mirror..how can someone be reduced to looking like I do...it's so cruel.  I look at photos of me not so long ago and it's like a different person I'm looking at.

Not really sure what I'm trying to say but thinking back to my teens/20's is making me sad, I still have most of my friends from back then and of course I now have a lovely little family, so nothing to be sad about really.

I hate this disease and all that it does to you..bloating/baldness/bad stomach/tiredness/breathlessness/dizzy/nausea/anger/short term memory loss/blurry eyes and inability to write neatly!...every medication I take has horrible side effects ...I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy...it's vile!

Love Clare xx

Another treatment over.  Didn't keep my clinic appointment as I have nothing to ask/say and as my consultant was away (again), so thought I'd leave it for another 3 weeks.

Didn't take that long and was out by 10.45am, usual 'Friday Club' having a laugh...me, Charlotte, nurses - Kate, Sandra, Carol.

Charlotte is due her final Herceptin on Dec 9th so it will be great for her to not have to trudge all the way from Newbury but I will be left as sole survivor of 'The Friday Club'...there were several other ladies but all have finished treatment....I'll just have to recruit some newbies as I'll chat to anyone it shouldn't be too hard.

Finally getting Sky back tomorrow after 3yrs without.  Jono is off to Kent to see Nathaniel and Aaron and to go to the football, staying over until Monday.  Hope it won't be too long a weekend on my own with Jack.

We're baking Saturday afternoon (flapjacks and gingerbread men) - Jack's request.  Sunday he has a party to go to and then we'll probably go round my Mum and Dad's as they've been away for a week.

Love Clare xx

Well last night I met up with Fiona a lady from BCpals forum.

We've been chatting for ages on FB and when I had my latest diagnosis she was compelled to come and see me.

All the way from Aberdeen!!!...how fab is that?

Went out for a meal last night and didn't stop chatting all evening, got on like a house on fire.

Today we went to Nirvana Spa.  A lovely relaxing day, still managing to chat.  Fiona had a hot stone massage whilst I just relaxed by the pool, lunch followed (yum) and then in the heated lounger room...I managed to snore as fell asleep...oops!

Hydro pool next and then Floatation...which I loved.

Champers in the Garden Room to finish off.

Jono picked us up at 5pm and my day was complete with the Strictly launch show to pair up the dancers..really looking forward to it this year (always am).

Tomorrow Fiona is coming to lunch..hope my roast lives up to the hype!!

Love Clare xx

Today is the day I meet Fiona Smith.

A lady I have been chatting to on FB and BCpals forum for a few years..

She is coming all the way down from Aberdeen and staying at The Moat House for 3 days.  Tonight we are going to The Walters Arms to have a chat and get to know each other, tomorrow we have booked a whole day at Nirvana Spa.  Sunday she is having roast at my house.

I just know we'll get on as we have same sense of humour and our health situation is similar.

So I will report back as to how the weekend went.

Love Clare xx

So another school year begins.

Y1 for Jack today and he walked up the lane with Megan very nicely indeed.  Pouring with rain mind you but he didn't seem to care.

Yesterday he asked me if he'll get chickenpox again and I said no you normally only get it once and I asked why he was asking.  He said Alice had chickenpox and her Mum died - I have no idea how he's linked the two as they aren't!  I said yes she did but she was very poorly.  End of conversation.

He was upstairs with Jon last night and asked him if I was going to die soon.  I think children know and feel a lot more than we give credit for.

I had a word with him on my own and said that yes I was poorly but not as poorly as Alice's Mum was and that I will not be going anywhere just yet.

So hard to protect them but should they be protected?...I'm not sure either way.

Anyway, enough of that enjoying my first day on my own resting and catching up with a couple of recordings.

Love Clare xx

Another week gone by and I feel good this week.

The school holidays have gone so fast, can't believe that Jack is back to school Tuesday.

Been getting in training for the school run by getting up at 7am with Jon so by Tuesday I should once again be used to early starts...although laying in until 9.30 is lovely.

Had a lovely day with the 'Baby Club' ladies and the kids all played nicely.  So lucky to have been part of a postnatal group that most ended up being really good friends and get so much support from them too.

Iris the funeral celebrant rang tonight to see how I was, I saw her before we went to Spain and she was just checking in...lol...such a lovely lady.

Something on everyday until Monday and that day will be spent very quietly, sorting uniform, ironing on labels, finishing Jack's 'Summer Holiday Diary' and generally chilling.  Swimming for Jack re-starts Monday at 4.30pm so mustn't forget to go to that!!

Just went through school inset days for next year and Jon isn't able to book any...all taken and the only week he can have in the summer is the 1st week of school hols no other full weeks available...so bloody annoying.

He's had his hours changed at work from 8am -5.50pm to 8am to 3.50pm, so now he works 5 days instead of 4 days with a day off.  Much better for helping me and taking Jack to things.  Only took exactly 3mths for his boss to do it...disgraceful if you ask me but I have a laid back placid hubby who just lets things be...I would have been on his case after 2 weeks!!

Anyway, waffle waffle...can't help myself sometimes...

Love Clare xx

What a difference a day makes..and an increase in meds..

Just by upping my steroids by 2mg I have had a fab day..only downside is I have to start re-taking Omeprazole for reflux and I'm sure they played a huge part in giving me dodgy bowels - ha ha I hear you say but it's not nice...at all!!

Went to Mum and Dad's for lunch with Judith and Gerry and then Tim and Victoria came, her engagement ring is lovely and wedding talk was so exciting.

Haven't fallen asleep at all today.

Watching a bit of TV and chilling tonight,

Love Clare xx

Horrible start to the day...sat on the edge of the bed for 30mins unable to function at all.

Luckily, Jon was off today and so I didn't have to rely on anyone else to take me in to hospital...frightened I would puke in the car!!

Went straight up to the ward and met up with my friend Charlotte.  She said straight away that I didn't look myself.  Felt so weak by the time I went in for treatment and Sandra (nurse) who saw to me was so concerned that she did full bloods.  At least 3 of the nurses thought I looked anaemic and would need a blood transfusion.

Had Herceptin and Zometa and then made my way down to clinic...they were running 2hrs late which was ok as I got there 30mins late .

Dr Charlton saw me and started by going through the bloods that were taken on the ward...nothing untoward there so no transfusion needed and then the scan results...

There are a few lymph nodes around my neck that have cancer in them but he's not concerned.  Lung looks inflamed but that has been put down to a blast of radio I had last year.  Liver had a tumour of 20mm now it has one of 38mm...BUT again he's not too concerned as in the whole scheme of things a golf ball size tumour in a large organ like the liver isn't going to be a nuisance immediately.

Head scan showed tumours have behaved how he would expect following radiotherapy..still there but shrunken...

I explained the lack of energy and that I just can't be bothered to do anything...he immediately suggested upping the steroids to 2mg a day from 1mg.

He had no idea why I was being sick and I think maybe I've admitted to myself I do get stressed over scan results after all.

Left there at 1pm and as we drove up the road had to stop for me to be sick again!!...Poor bloke walking passed didn't know what to do!!

Got in took an extra mg of steroid and what do you know feel ok this afternoon/evening.

He said that he knows how I feel about the bloatedness but at least I will feel ok.

There are 2 chemo's that he has in mind but both need to meet PCT guidelines and if they sanction one I will have to stop Herceptin and the other he wants to keep back for a while.

So all in all came out of there feeling 'ok' but know that we as a family have a 'fight' on our hands..small for now and hopefully it will remain like that for a while.

On a much happier note Tim (my nephew) and Victoria and getting married, most likely New Years Eve 2011...they have asked if Jack will be pageboy and of course I said yes...so excited.

Love Clare xx

Well, I bit the bullet and phoned my Breast Care Nurse this morning, to ask if I could be put in contact with a Macmillan Nurse.

Back in June when I was diagnosed with brain mets, they said I would benefit from one but nothing came of it.

I'm really struggling with energy levels as I've said before and need some advice on what if any supplements I can take.

The BCN said I sounded as if I would benefit from a palliative care nurse now and even if it's just to go through managing my expectations better.

The BCN used to be a palliative care nurse and she will try and come up to see me Friday when I'm at the hospital for treatment to have a chat.

So it wasn't a phone call I wanted to make but one I really had to.

Love Clare xx

I was supposed to be going up to London to see Thriller but pulled out on Friday as the thought of being up there and feeling crap filled me with dred.

As it turned out I made the right desision as Sunday wasn't a good day energy wise.  Went to Mum and Dad's for roast dinner and just about managed to eat it all.  Slept most of the afternoon in Dad's recliner!!

Today was much better, did a load of washing (bedding) and got that out and dried.  Got Jack's school shoes and some new trainers.  Had a wonder round The Range and came back for lunch.

Did a load of ironing and put it all away, so up to date with that.  Jon took Jack to Taekwando and I got us tea ready...bit of an effort but I managed it.

About 9pm I was so tired but now have a 2nd wind and after a shower feel refreshed again.

Tomorrow Jon is off again and will take me to Next/Matalan to get some bits and bobs.

So 4 more days until scan results and if I'm honest I'm a bit 'scared' of what it will show.  Not sure what will be plan of action...if tumours shrunk do I carry on as I am now?...or if worse will chemo be suggested?...we will see soon enough.

Love Clare xx

Haven't updated for a while as have been busy getting things sorted for Mandy etc to be able to stay and haven't been feeling like doing an update as I was so tired all the time.

Had a lovely weekend Michelle came over Saturday and Sunday which was nice.

Still feel tired and have the pain in my right side still, so bad over the weekend that I stayed in bed until lunchtime both Sat & Sun...seems to have calmed down now but is still there now and again.

Went to Drs today and he examined me but couldn't feel anything untoward, I said I have scan on Thursday so hopefully that will show what's going on in there.

Apart from a bit of painting, upstairs is finished, carpets and lino down and all looking very nice - who wants to stay??

Have a busy 2nd half of the week to come but next week not so busy.  Going to see Thriller on Sunday and really looking forward to it...just hope I feel OK.

Love Clare xx

Saw Dr C today and he passed my heart fit for treatment.

Explained head pain and he said to go back to taking 1mg of steroid and next week try reducing again if I get head  pain again increase by 0.5mg.

Told him about the pain in my side and he examined me for enlarged liver...he was happy that it wasn't BUT I fail to see how could feel anything beneath the flab!!...told him so and he said it was naughty Dr prescribing fat pills!!

Asked about the CT Scan and he said as both letters have the same appointment time and date assume they are doing all that he's requested if I get hassle insist and if still getting hassle get them to phone him..

Up on the ward at 10am really busy today so didn't get seen until 11.45am..home by 1.30pm though so not all bad.

Love Clare xx

Felt really 'odd' today.

Couldn't get started and laid in bed until 11.30am - disgraceful!

Head was a bit fuzzy and it was when I woke up so should have taken my tablets as soon as I woke at 7am...couldn't be bothered to go downstairs and get them.  Also have intermittent pain in my right side and lower back could be dehydration I suppose will make more of an effort to drink water throughout the day.  Other thing that springs to mind is 'liver probs'...I hope not!

Seeing Dr C on Friday so will tell him and see what makes of it, as well as yet again trying to sort out my scan on 18th Aug..original letter said chest/abdo/pelvis and to get there an hour before appt time to drink the drink!..Spoke to Dr C last time I was at hospital and said I thought he wanted my head scanned as well...he does so he sent a message/note to the scan department to tell them this...get a letter saying head scan on 18th no mention of chest/abdo/pelvis and no request to get there early..such hard work to keep up and I'm on the ball!!

If all else fails I'll get him to write a note on my letters and go to X-Ray on Friday to  try and sort it out.

Love Clare xx