Monday 4th February 2008
Finally have had enough of the stomach pains I'm getting and went to the Dr this morning....(phoned at 8.30am and got in at 9.30am..now that is good service IMO).
Last night I was in agony couldn't sleep and had to go downstairs and hunch on all fours deep breathing, then walking slowly round the lounge which is difficult when it hurts to stand up...could have been a miracle if I'd have given birth as that's exactly what it feels like.
I feel like I need to be stretched as there doesn't feel enough room inside for all that was there.
Talked her through the symptoms...bloatedness/feeling of not enough room between my ribcage and pelvis/contraction type pains/being sick- which then aleviates the pain/not being able to wear my clothes after 7pm as they are too tight etc etc....She has asked me to stop taking EPO as a precaution and she's writing to the hospital to see if they will do some investigations before my next scheduled appointment (29th April), she did examine me but there was nothing she could see or feel.
It may be the EPO or it may be the Tamoxifen...but I don't take that until 9.30pm and it starts hurting anytime after 6pm.There is a liquid form of Tamoxifen which doesn't have all the crap in it that the tablets do but we'll have to see what the hospital say...
To say I'm a bit scared is an understatment, I don't want it to be the Tamoxifen as I know it's doing it's job BUT I don't want it to be anything more sinister...Tamoxifen has rather horrible serious side effects..of course my mind is working overtime.
So will now wait and see when the NHS can fit me in, already worried about tonight as I just don't want to feel so crap again.
love Clare xx
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Thursday 24th January 2008
A year ago today I finished my radiotherapy…doesn’t time fly.
Apart from my daily dose of Tamoxifen I have had no treatment in the last year, just 2 scans and a mammogram.
Every day I thank my lucky stars that I’m being able to spend so much time with Jack and Jon.
I do have some bad days, when I get overwhelmed by sadness at the thought of perhaps not seeing Jack start school and when he calls out Mummy...one day I may not be there and that breaks my heart.
Friends ask how I am but they don't really want to hear me say..'oh not too good today thanks' so I mostly just say fine thanks...because I look well people assume I am well...physically yes, but mentally/emotionally it is so hard.
I belong to a support group where over the Christmas period we lost 2 ladies and that just brings it home to you that no matter how many people say ‘oh you’ll be here for years yet’ this horrible disease doesn’t do anyone any favours…it is all pure luck (IMO).
I do need to speak to a Macmillan nurse, as I have few questions and fears that I need answers to…just need to make that phone call.
All my paperwork is up to date everything filed and labelled up, wills done and funeral plans in rough draft....something I feel everyone should do as it must be terrible for relatives to decide what type of funeral you'd want and to have to sort out financial matters.
My mind hasn’t been working as well as it used to and that can be an after effect of chemotherapy…I will say odd things or get in the middle of a sentence and totally forget what I’m saying…my short term memory is now terrible whereas it used to be sharp as a pin.
If I do too much…even nice things like lunching I find I’m burnt out by 8pm. I had to cancel an evening out on Tuesday as I just couldn’t muster up any energy to be bothered to get ready…that is very unlike me.
I have a few side effects from the Tamoxifen…mostly night sweats and a very badly bloated midriff …a small price to pay though I think. I also get a feeling of fullness in my stomach and it’s so uncomfortable feels like a huge brick is being pushed up under my ribcage…it comes and goes all the time.
I still have work issues that are ongoing but nothing that can’t be sorted out.
love Clare xx
A year ago today I finished my radiotherapy…doesn’t time fly.
Apart from my daily dose of Tamoxifen I have had no treatment in the last year, just 2 scans and a mammogram.
Every day I thank my lucky stars that I’m being able to spend so much time with Jack and Jon.
I do have some bad days, when I get overwhelmed by sadness at the thought of perhaps not seeing Jack start school and when he calls out Mummy...one day I may not be there and that breaks my heart.
Friends ask how I am but they don't really want to hear me say..'oh not too good today thanks' so I mostly just say fine thanks...because I look well people assume I am well...physically yes, but mentally/emotionally it is so hard.
I belong to a support group where over the Christmas period we lost 2 ladies and that just brings it home to you that no matter how many people say ‘oh you’ll be here for years yet’ this horrible disease doesn’t do anyone any favours…it is all pure luck (IMO).
I do need to speak to a Macmillan nurse, as I have few questions and fears that I need answers to…just need to make that phone call.
All my paperwork is up to date everything filed and labelled up, wills done and funeral plans in rough draft....something I feel everyone should do as it must be terrible for relatives to decide what type of funeral you'd want and to have to sort out financial matters.
My mind hasn’t been working as well as it used to and that can be an after effect of chemotherapy…I will say odd things or get in the middle of a sentence and totally forget what I’m saying…my short term memory is now terrible whereas it used to be sharp as a pin.
If I do too much…even nice things like lunching I find I’m burnt out by 8pm. I had to cancel an evening out on Tuesday as I just couldn’t muster up any energy to be bothered to get ready…that is very unlike me.
I have a few side effects from the Tamoxifen…mostly night sweats and a very badly bloated midriff …a small price to pay though I think. I also get a feeling of fullness in my stomach and it’s so uncomfortable feels like a huge brick is being pushed up under my ribcage…it comes and goes all the time.
I still have work issues that are ongoing but nothing that can’t be sorted out.
love Clare xx
Tuesday 23rd October 2007
Didn't see my Oncologist but a very nice (German) lady registrar.
She said there was only one message to be taken from the scan and that is that all is ok...the liver tumours aren't visible to the naked eye anymore and the lung one is still very tiny.
She is going to have a meeting with the radiologist so they can confirm when I should have my next scan, she thinks a year may be what they say.
I was asked whether I had thought anymore about suppressing my periods but I said I'd rather leave it as it is as I have quite long cycles and I don't want any unpleasant side effects that I don't need to put myself through.
She examined me as I was a bit concerned about hardness on my boob but of course it's just scar tissue and nothing more sinister. Felt all around my liver and was pleased that that is how it should be.
I couldn't have asked for a better outcome and it's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I'm under no illusions that in the future one of my appointments will have a different outcome but we are just going to enjoy ourselves for now and get on with life without thinking too much about what might happen.
What a joyous Christmas time we're going to have this year.
love Clare xx
Didn't see my Oncologist but a very nice (German) lady registrar.
She said there was only one message to be taken from the scan and that is that all is ok...the liver tumours aren't visible to the naked eye anymore and the lung one is still very tiny.
She is going to have a meeting with the radiologist so they can confirm when I should have my next scan, she thinks a year may be what they say.
I was asked whether I had thought anymore about suppressing my periods but I said I'd rather leave it as it is as I have quite long cycles and I don't want any unpleasant side effects that I don't need to put myself through.
She examined me as I was a bit concerned about hardness on my boob but of course it's just scar tissue and nothing more sinister. Felt all around my liver and was pleased that that is how it should be.
I couldn't have asked for a better outcome and it's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I'm under no illusions that in the future one of my appointments will have a different outcome but we are just going to enjoy ourselves for now and get on with life without thinking too much about what might happen.
What a joyous Christmas time we're going to have this year.
love Clare xx
Monday 8th October 2007
Wow, a long time since I updated this ...which can only mean things have been going ok, until quite recently...not sure why really...I have been having more 'down' days than I have before but it seems as Jack gets older the more I get upset.
Warning...bit of a rant...Someone said to me recently that no one knows when they are going to die and that they could get run over next week...I think she was trying to say 'pull yourself together'...she has had BC and it is 7 yrs since her treatment finished...she doesn't have secondaries and I really wonder sometimes if she realises how hard it is to carry on as normal knowing that you have an incurable illness.
I visit a BC forum and one of the ladies on there had an interview with a magazine...all went well until she said that she had secondary cancers..the interview ended and they said they wouldn't be publishing it as they really wanted a 'good news' story i.e a Kylie story..had it, done the treatment and getting on as normal again...it makes me so mad.
I have a CT scan tomorrow and it's been on my mind for ages. I did have the choice of waiting until next April but if there is anything going on in there I want to know asap. I get aches and pains and wonder whether it's on the move or the exisitng tumours are growing.
Dreading not being able to do the things I do now without a second thought I will get the results on 23rd Oct..another 2 week wait when as I go through the machine they know exactly what's going on but they are not my Oncolgist so cannot tell me anything.
We had a lovely holiday but I just couldn't wait to get back to my home and comfort zone.
I really need to get my act together so we have a fab Christmas..can't even think what to get Jack..how sad is that there are shops full of things.
Well, this turned into a mini rant. I am just being honest about how things are.
love Clare xx
Wow, a long time since I updated this ...which can only mean things have been going ok, until quite recently...not sure why really...I have been having more 'down' days than I have before but it seems as Jack gets older the more I get upset.
Warning...bit of a rant...Someone said to me recently that no one knows when they are going to die and that they could get run over next week...I think she was trying to say 'pull yourself together'...she has had BC and it is 7 yrs since her treatment finished...she doesn't have secondaries and I really wonder sometimes if she realises how hard it is to carry on as normal knowing that you have an incurable illness.
I visit a BC forum and one of the ladies on there had an interview with a magazine...all went well until she said that she had secondary cancers..the interview ended and they said they wouldn't be publishing it as they really wanted a 'good news' story i.e a Kylie story..had it, done the treatment and getting on as normal again...it makes me so mad.
I have a CT scan tomorrow and it's been on my mind for ages. I did have the choice of waiting until next April but if there is anything going on in there I want to know asap. I get aches and pains and wonder whether it's on the move or the exisitng tumours are growing.
Dreading not being able to do the things I do now without a second thought I will get the results on 23rd Oct..another 2 week wait when as I go through the machine they know exactly what's going on but they are not my Oncolgist so cannot tell me anything.
We had a lovely holiday but I just couldn't wait to get back to my home and comfort zone.
I really need to get my act together so we have a fab Christmas..can't even think what to get Jack..how sad is that there are shops full of things.
Well, this turned into a mini rant. I am just being honest about how things are.
love Clare xx
Tuesday 7th August 2007
I haven’t written since my last hospital appointment and I don’t really have much to say, except a few ‘negative’ thoughts…I don’t really like to call them negative they’re reality to me.
Although physically I feel ok I do get sad when I should be enjoying Jack…well I am enjoying him but sometimes the happier I am just ends up making me sad.
Don’t get me wrong I never sit here crying…that’s not my style, just have horrible thoughts entering my head for few minutes.
People talk about when Jack’s a teenager or has a girlfriend and I just think barring a miracle I won’t be here to see it. I’m not sure that some of my friends understand what metasatic breast cancer is and because I’ve had treatment and the tumour has gone from my breast they just assume I’m back to ‘normal'.
Jon is doing the garden for us as the person who was in here before us obviously hadn’t bothered in the 5 years he was here…I can’t hurry it along quick enough as I want to be able to be out there with Jack in case I’m not able next year.
You may think I’m being negative, well I suppose I am and I think reality has sunk in as Jack is now 16 months old and it has gone so quickly, I just want life to slow down a bit.
Also, one of Jack’s little friends has a terminal heart condition that will mean she probably won’t live beyond early teens. Her Mum is preparing the house for when she dies so they can sell quickly as she knows she won’t be able to go back in there…I wonder how Jon will feel about our house? I do wonder if when I get ill should I have a clear out, will I have time etc etc I’d hate for Jon to have to sort through all my clothes and make up...there's so much of it.
I don’t really want to be writing doom and gloom but I can’t just write about the good things that happen when you’ve diagnosed with terminal cancer nothing feels good sometimes.
I’m off out later to sort out my bank accounts as I have a few and and I really need to tidy them up Jon has finally agreed to do a will with a solicitor within the next couple of weeks. I did stress that it’s not because of my situation but I’d hate for anyone other than who we intend to benefit from our money to do so.
On that note I’ll go now and try and write happier thoughts soon
love Clare xx
I haven’t written since my last hospital appointment and I don’t really have much to say, except a few ‘negative’ thoughts…I don’t really like to call them negative they’re reality to me.
Although physically I feel ok I do get sad when I should be enjoying Jack…well I am enjoying him but sometimes the happier I am just ends up making me sad.
Don’t get me wrong I never sit here crying…that’s not my style, just have horrible thoughts entering my head for few minutes.
People talk about when Jack’s a teenager or has a girlfriend and I just think barring a miracle I won’t be here to see it. I’m not sure that some of my friends understand what metasatic breast cancer is and because I’ve had treatment and the tumour has gone from my breast they just assume I’m back to ‘normal'.
Jon is doing the garden for us as the person who was in here before us obviously hadn’t bothered in the 5 years he was here…I can’t hurry it along quick enough as I want to be able to be out there with Jack in case I’m not able next year.
You may think I’m being negative, well I suppose I am and I think reality has sunk in as Jack is now 16 months old and it has gone so quickly, I just want life to slow down a bit.
Also, one of Jack’s little friends has a terminal heart condition that will mean she probably won’t live beyond early teens. Her Mum is preparing the house for when she dies so they can sell quickly as she knows she won’t be able to go back in there…I wonder how Jon will feel about our house? I do wonder if when I get ill should I have a clear out, will I have time etc etc I’d hate for Jon to have to sort through all my clothes and make up...there's so much of it.
I don’t really want to be writing doom and gloom but I can’t just write about the good things that happen when you’ve diagnosed with terminal cancer nothing feels good sometimes.
I’m off out later to sort out my bank accounts as I have a few and and I really need to tidy them up Jon has finally agreed to do a will with a solicitor within the next couple of weeks. I did stress that it’s not because of my situation but I’d hate for anyone other than who we intend to benefit from our money to do so.
On that note I’ll go now and try and write happier thoughts soon
love Clare xx
Wednesday 3rd July 2007
I had my routine appointment yesterday at the hospital....After a wait of 50mins (that is actually not too bad) I went in and saw a very handsome young Dr indeed, my Consultant was in London in a meeting so his registrars were doing the clinic.
I think I had the most informative appointment to date, he answered all my questions with a straight forward answer, my actual consultant is a bit vague and skirts around certain questions – like prognosis etc.
He asked if I was still having periods and I said yes, he did say that I could have them stopped with Zoladax injections as it would stop the Oestrogen flying around my body but the down side is I may get menopausal symptoms and he said seeing as I am having no side effects from the Tamoxifen I might be wise to think on it as we don’t really want to upset my body if we don’t have to.
The advantage of having the Zoladax is that it may and only may keep the liver and lung tumours at bay for a short time more than if I didn’t have it…so we decided that he’d write to my GP and advise her of our conversation and if I feel it’s something I want then I can have it done at the surgery.
He examined my stomach and breathing and all appears to be ok so far. I will be having another CT scan at the beginning of October, just to keep an eye on the liver and lungs. I did have the option to wait until April but thought that if they have started to grow then it’s better to start treatment as soon as possible.
He was very thorough, as sometimes you feel a bit rushed and forget to ask things, but I got all my questions in I was even asked how I was feeling physically and mentally, something that they tend not to ask as they are not really concerned with how you are feeling mentally as they’d be there all day listening to everyone.
I said I was gutted that the cancer had spread as the tumours are so small it must have only just spread but he said on all the pathology reports it suggests that the breast tumour had been there for some time and the 10 weeks that I lost wouldn’t have made any difference at all.
He also confirmed that they type of cancer that I have/had would not have been caused by my pregnancy, just that my body was in a state of providing a perfect breeding ground for it.
I felt I need to know what type of cancer I had and he wrote it all down, even the measurements before and after and the grading etc. Not sure why but I had to know this for my own peace of mind.
I came away feeling as if I understood things a bit more. So until October, I hopefully won’t be spending any time at the hospital. Nearly had a fatality, I parked on the road with a 2 hour limit and very nearly caused heart failure by 'running' (I use the term 'running' loosly) back up the road to beat getting a ticket
love Clare xx
I had my routine appointment yesterday at the hospital....After a wait of 50mins (that is actually not too bad) I went in and saw a very handsome young Dr indeed, my Consultant was in London in a meeting so his registrars were doing the clinic.
I think I had the most informative appointment to date, he answered all my questions with a straight forward answer, my actual consultant is a bit vague and skirts around certain questions – like prognosis etc.
He asked if I was still having periods and I said yes, he did say that I could have them stopped with Zoladax injections as it would stop the Oestrogen flying around my body but the down side is I may get menopausal symptoms and he said seeing as I am having no side effects from the Tamoxifen I might be wise to think on it as we don’t really want to upset my body if we don’t have to.
The advantage of having the Zoladax is that it may and only may keep the liver and lung tumours at bay for a short time more than if I didn’t have it…so we decided that he’d write to my GP and advise her of our conversation and if I feel it’s something I want then I can have it done at the surgery.
He examined my stomach and breathing and all appears to be ok so far. I will be having another CT scan at the beginning of October, just to keep an eye on the liver and lungs. I did have the option to wait until April but thought that if they have started to grow then it’s better to start treatment as soon as possible.
He was very thorough, as sometimes you feel a bit rushed and forget to ask things, but I got all my questions in I was even asked how I was feeling physically and mentally, something that they tend not to ask as they are not really concerned with how you are feeling mentally as they’d be there all day listening to everyone.
I said I was gutted that the cancer had spread as the tumours are so small it must have only just spread but he said on all the pathology reports it suggests that the breast tumour had been there for some time and the 10 weeks that I lost wouldn’t have made any difference at all.
He also confirmed that they type of cancer that I have/had would not have been caused by my pregnancy, just that my body was in a state of providing a perfect breeding ground for it.
I felt I need to know what type of cancer I had and he wrote it all down, even the measurements before and after and the grading etc. Not sure why but I had to know this for my own peace of mind.
I came away feeling as if I understood things a bit more. So until October, I hopefully won’t be spending any time at the hospital. Nearly had a fatality, I parked on the road with a 2 hour limit and very nearly caused heart failure by 'running' (I use the term 'running' loosly) back up the road to beat getting a ticket
love Clare xx
Wednesday 13th June 2007
I’ve just come back from my meeting with OH Dr (wonderful as always), had a really good chat with him. I explained to him that because I look ok and am managing to do 'normal' things everyday I feel like a cheat and a fraud -at this point he told me off. He doesn't think that there is any way I can return to work in the near future. In his vast experience (his words) as an OH Dr he said that coming back or being persuaded to come back would be detrimental to my health (mind and possibly body).
He realises my priorities have changed as has my GP. I said I was concerned that the hospital assume that as I have had good results I'm ok and have given the 'ok' for me to return to work.
He explained that all they are concerned with is the treatment side of things and the mental side is a whole different ball game. He is going to write a report to my manager saying that although I’m ‘stable’ at the moment a return is out of the question for now and he will see me in 6mths time. There are some good employers out there and I work for one of the fairest ones about, it’s big Company so they can’t really afford to be seen as being unfair/unkind.
love Clare xx
I’ve just come back from my meeting with OH Dr (wonderful as always), had a really good chat with him. I explained to him that because I look ok and am managing to do 'normal' things everyday I feel like a cheat and a fraud -at this point he told me off. He doesn't think that there is any way I can return to work in the near future. In his vast experience (his words) as an OH Dr he said that coming back or being persuaded to come back would be detrimental to my health (mind and possibly body).
He realises my priorities have changed as has my GP. I said I was concerned that the hospital assume that as I have had good results I'm ok and have given the 'ok' for me to return to work.
He explained that all they are concerned with is the treatment side of things and the mental side is a whole different ball game. He is going to write a report to my manager saying that although I’m ‘stable’ at the moment a return is out of the question for now and he will see me in 6mths time. There are some good employers out there and I work for one of the fairest ones about, it’s big Company so they can’t really afford to be seen as being unfair/unkind.
love Clare xx
Tuesday 12th June 2007
Had my mammogram today and it's all ok. It also didn't hurt as much as I was expecting but the radiographer said that sometimes when the breast is swollen or harder it isn't as uncomfortable.
I thought I'd have to wait until my clinic appointment in July but my consultant had put a note on my X-Ray card that he wanted the Mammo Dr to speak to me today, she confirmed that all is ok and then suggested an ultrasound to see if the discomfort I was feeling was due to fluid build up...she aspirated 20ml of disgusting wee coloured fluid and what a relief, straight away it felt better.
So I'm a happy bunny this evening Have to see my Company Dr tomorrow so a bit nervous about that and just hope I don't cry like last time.
love Clare xx
Had my mammogram today and it's all ok. It also didn't hurt as much as I was expecting but the radiographer said that sometimes when the breast is swollen or harder it isn't as uncomfortable.
I thought I'd have to wait until my clinic appointment in July but my consultant had put a note on my X-Ray card that he wanted the Mammo Dr to speak to me today, she confirmed that all is ok and then suggested an ultrasound to see if the discomfort I was feeling was due to fluid build up...she aspirated 20ml of disgusting wee coloured fluid and what a relief, straight away it felt better.
So I'm a happy bunny this evening Have to see my Company Dr tomorrow so a bit nervous about that and just hope I don't cry like last time.
love Clare xx
Thursday 31st May 2007
I must say that the past year has flown by.... After all that we've been though as family since last year were still the same...rowing/laughing/crying/smiling/sulking and loving each other more than ever.
It doesn't have to mean the end of everything when you're diagnosed, yes I admit that it's a total shock..actually perhaps I'm still in shock and it'll hit me later BUT...I'm still me and nothing has really changed, maybe a year of enjoying being a new Mum was 'ruined' by this awful disease but then I can't say I've missed out with Jack and he certainly is none the wiser.
I must say that reading some of the posts on the BC sites makes me realise how lucky I am in that I didn't really 'suffer' during the treatments at all...yes I felt a bit ill sometimes but then anyone would with all that crap going through their veins. One of the things that I know contributes to me being able to face this the way I have is all of my family and friends support.
So lunch with a couple of friends today..(sod the diet for today) and then looking forward to the next year of my life.
love Clare xx
I must say that the past year has flown by.... After all that we've been though as family since last year were still the same...rowing/laughing/crying/smiling/sulking and loving each other more than ever.
It doesn't have to mean the end of everything when you're diagnosed, yes I admit that it's a total shock..actually perhaps I'm still in shock and it'll hit me later BUT...I'm still me and nothing has really changed, maybe a year of enjoying being a new Mum was 'ruined' by this awful disease but then I can't say I've missed out with Jack and he certainly is none the wiser.
I must say that reading some of the posts on the BC sites makes me realise how lucky I am in that I didn't really 'suffer' during the treatments at all...yes I felt a bit ill sometimes but then anyone would with all that crap going through their veins. One of the things that I know contributes to me being able to face this the way I have is all of my family and friends support.
So lunch with a couple of friends today..(sod the diet for today) and then looking forward to the next year of my life.
love Clare xx
Friday 25th May 2007
Not much to write about these days…which is a good thing really.
Fast approaching is the 1st anniversary (31st May) of my diagnosis. I’m still very positive about my future but can’t help getting upset when I hear about BC or read about it Went to a ‘fund-raising’ event in Guildford today with Wendy, which was really nice but realised that I may not really have come to terms with my situation. When the lady was doing her spiel I was thinking ‘I’m one of those’ that she’s referring to and it just made me so sad I’ve got a date for my mammogram and if I’m honest I’m petrified of what may be lurking in there…a downside of not having a mastectomy.
My hair is getting me down at the moment, it was lovely short but I’ve never really liked my hair short and I want to grow it but it’s at a horrible in between stage.
Ok, so it’s not really anything to get upset about but ever since I was a teenager I’ve been very particular about my hair and have washed, dried and farted about with it everyday of my adult life.
Anyway, enough of my ‘moaning’ I should be thankful of the current health situation I’m in as it could be a whole lot worse.
love Clare xx
Not much to write about these days…which is a good thing really.
Fast approaching is the 1st anniversary (31st May) of my diagnosis. I’m still very positive about my future but can’t help getting upset when I hear about BC or read about it Went to a ‘fund-raising’ event in Guildford today with Wendy, which was really nice but realised that I may not really have come to terms with my situation. When the lady was doing her spiel I was thinking ‘I’m one of those’ that she’s referring to and it just made me so sad I’ve got a date for my mammogram and if I’m honest I’m petrified of what may be lurking in there…a downside of not having a mastectomy.
My hair is getting me down at the moment, it was lovely short but I’ve never really liked my hair short and I want to grow it but it’s at a horrible in between stage.
Ok, so it’s not really anything to get upset about but ever since I was a teenager I’ve been very particular about my hair and have washed, dried and farted about with it everyday of my adult life.
Anyway, enough of my ‘moaning’ I should be thankful of the current health situation I’m in as it could be a whole lot worse.
love Clare xx
Monday 7th May 2007
Not really had much to write about since going to see the consultant….
I had my meeting with work and they have put me in our Long Term Sickness Scheme. It’s for a maximum of 2 years and in that time I have to have a meeting with the Company Dr every 3 months and have sickness certificates from my Dr.
Monthly payments work out at 65% of my salary, but they take off £3600 annually as they assume that you can at least claim Incapacity Benefit from the state…
I have completed a statement for the DWP and they think I will qualify. Not sure what will happen if I don’t as I am sure they don’t add back on the £3600…it’s just tough luck.
I still keep my benefits (death in service/pension contributions/ bonus). I will get all my holiday paid in November or December (it’s up to me). The funny thing is, is that I haven’t had a pay rise for 4 years as I’m being paid more than the top level of my grade (I just get an annual lump sum) under this scheme I will get a pay rise and if I ever go back it’ll stay with me…how daft is that??
One thing that really did annoy me was my 2nd line manager was in the meeting and she obviously hadn’t been briefed about me (she took over from the last one in January and doesn’t even know me)..she kept going on about when I get better etc and I pointed out that I will never be better as it’s not a curable disease, she didn’t understand why and I then had to go through the explanation of metastatic cancer and very nearly made myself cry…
She also wasn’t aware that I had a 1 year old and hadn’t even managed to return back from maternity leave. Not sure who I blame really…my manager, HR or Occupational Health..she should have known the facts I was also concerned that the scheme assumes you’ll be going back to work and I have said I don’t think I will and my Dr doesn’t think it would do me any good either.
My manager said that the company Dr also doesn’t think that it would be the right environment for me and would just stress me out and possibly do my illness no good in the long run. He said just accept the scheme for now and if it comes to it they can offer me ill health retirement in the future.
So for the time being all seems ok...Except I have a rather sore swollen breast and need to get it sorted out but keep putting it off..you'd think I'd have learnt by now!!
Will ring my care nurse this week and ask what I do about it..do I see my Dr or get an appointment at the hospital or can they just drain it for me like after my op....
This time last year I was just a new Mum looking forward to life with my son and husband...blissfully unaware of what was to come by the end of May.
love Clare xx
Not really had much to write about since going to see the consultant….
I had my meeting with work and they have put me in our Long Term Sickness Scheme. It’s for a maximum of 2 years and in that time I have to have a meeting with the Company Dr every 3 months and have sickness certificates from my Dr.
Monthly payments work out at 65% of my salary, but they take off £3600 annually as they assume that you can at least claim Incapacity Benefit from the state…
I have completed a statement for the DWP and they think I will qualify. Not sure what will happen if I don’t as I am sure they don’t add back on the £3600…it’s just tough luck.
I still keep my benefits (death in service/pension contributions/ bonus). I will get all my holiday paid in November or December (it’s up to me). The funny thing is, is that I haven’t had a pay rise for 4 years as I’m being paid more than the top level of my grade (I just get an annual lump sum) under this scheme I will get a pay rise and if I ever go back it’ll stay with me…how daft is that??
One thing that really did annoy me was my 2nd line manager was in the meeting and she obviously hadn’t been briefed about me (she took over from the last one in January and doesn’t even know me)..she kept going on about when I get better etc and I pointed out that I will never be better as it’s not a curable disease, she didn’t understand why and I then had to go through the explanation of metastatic cancer and very nearly made myself cry…
She also wasn’t aware that I had a 1 year old and hadn’t even managed to return back from maternity leave. Not sure who I blame really…my manager, HR or Occupational Health..she should have known the facts I was also concerned that the scheme assumes you’ll be going back to work and I have said I don’t think I will and my Dr doesn’t think it would do me any good either.
My manager said that the company Dr also doesn’t think that it would be the right environment for me and would just stress me out and possibly do my illness no good in the long run. He said just accept the scheme for now and if it comes to it they can offer me ill health retirement in the future.
So for the time being all seems ok...Except I have a rather sore swollen breast and need to get it sorted out but keep putting it off..you'd think I'd have learnt by now!!
Will ring my care nurse this week and ask what I do about it..do I see my Dr or get an appointment at the hospital or can they just drain it for me like after my op....
This time last year I was just a new Mum looking forward to life with my son and husband...blissfully unaware of what was to come by the end of May.
love Clare xx
Tuesday 24th April 2007
After waiting an hour, I finally got in to see the consultant and he delivered the most excellent news...
The scan showed virtually nothing on my lungs and the liver tumors are now very tiny, the only thing it did show was some sort of fluid on my breast. It has been aching for a couple of weeks, but nothing that would make me see my Dr for.
He said that it either may have an infection or as I burnt so badly whilst having radiation it most likely burnt me inside too.
He examined me and said there was nothing untoward going on so just see if it settles down.
Mammogram will be booked for late June and he said he'd try and book it on a day that there was a radiographer there so I can get the results there and then.
So we are a very pleased family tonight as the worst thing that could have happened after having the 1st scan following treatment hasn't...Power of positive thought goes a long way.
I now feel a bit of a fraud with work but hey...I still have cancer that isn't curable, so I'm going to make the best of my life with my boys and if my employers are offering me something that will help us then I'm going to take it.
I was saddened though as I saw a lady who I used to get the bus to work with (she has bone cancer, following breast cancer) and just before the end of the year she was looking great...she's now in a wheelchair not looking good at all.
love Clare xx
After waiting an hour, I finally got in to see the consultant and he delivered the most excellent news...
The scan showed virtually nothing on my lungs and the liver tumors are now very tiny, the only thing it did show was some sort of fluid on my breast. It has been aching for a couple of weeks, but nothing that would make me see my Dr for.
He said that it either may have an infection or as I burnt so badly whilst having radiation it most likely burnt me inside too.
He examined me and said there was nothing untoward going on so just see if it settles down.
Mammogram will be booked for late June and he said he'd try and book it on a day that there was a radiographer there so I can get the results there and then.
So we are a very pleased family tonight as the worst thing that could have happened after having the 1st scan following treatment hasn't...Power of positive thought goes a long way.
I now feel a bit of a fraud with work but hey...I still have cancer that isn't curable, so I'm going to make the best of my life with my boys and if my employers are offering me something that will help us then I'm going to take it.
I was saddened though as I saw a lady who I used to get the bus to work with (she has bone cancer, following breast cancer) and just before the end of the year she was looking great...she's now in a wheelchair not looking good at all.
love Clare xx
Monday 23rd April 2007
Bit of a stressful couple of days coming up.
Today Jon goes out on his own in his new job and I'm nervous for him. Don't think he is but I am.
Tomorrow I see the consultant and get the results of my CT scan, all I want to hear is that there is no change in the liver/lung tumors and that the meds are doing their thing and nothing more has 'turned' up....not much to ask really is it.
Wednesday I'm in work for a meeting with my 1st/2nd line managers and HR to discuss the ins and outs of the scheme they have offered me....they have offered me entry into the Company 'Long Term Invalidity Scheme' (which I never thought they would) and just need the finer points clarifying.
So my head is full of all sorts at the moment.
love Clare xx
Bit of a stressful couple of days coming up.
Today Jon goes out on his own in his new job and I'm nervous for him. Don't think he is but I am.
Tomorrow I see the consultant and get the results of my CT scan, all I want to hear is that there is no change in the liver/lung tumors and that the meds are doing their thing and nothing more has 'turned' up....not much to ask really is it.
Wednesday I'm in work for a meeting with my 1st/2nd line managers and HR to discuss the ins and outs of the scheme they have offered me....they have offered me entry into the Company 'Long Term Invalidity Scheme' (which I never thought they would) and just need the finer points clarifying.
So my head is full of all sorts at the moment.
love Clare xx
Wednesday 11th April 2007
Scan was ok in the end.....Arrived at the hospital at 8.20am and the radiologist gave me 'the drink'. You have to drink one cup of the stuff every 10mins for an hour and the last opportunity to go to the loo is 15mins before the hour is up.9.15am, so I go off to the loo ready for 9.30am....9.30am came and went and then one of the nurses came out and said they were running late and only had one machine working, by now it was 9.45am and my bladder was very full.
They called me in at 9.55am and I said I was bursting to go to the loo, no go I'm afraid, the scan would only take 5 or so mins could I hold on. Well, I thought I was going to pee all over the table as they took forever to get the injection in finally managed to find a decent vein in the back of my hand, that is after popping one of my veins by my wrist (and by god that hurts).
Managed to get through the scan without wetting myself and then walk out of the room over to the toilet....the tie on my tracky bottoms was knotted and I very nearly did have an accident!!
My wrist is still sore and there is a 3inch bruise all for nothing. Then I get to my Mum's and managed to leave my little toe in her dining room whilst I carry on walking through to the hall...ouch. I know they've lived there 36yrs but I'm sure the wall I walked in to never used to be there! The air was blue and so is my toe...very painful walking like I've broken a leg or something!!
Anyway, roll on 24th and hopefully it will be good news.
love Clare xx
Scan was ok in the end.....Arrived at the hospital at 8.20am and the radiologist gave me 'the drink'. You have to drink one cup of the stuff every 10mins for an hour and the last opportunity to go to the loo is 15mins before the hour is up.9.15am, so I go off to the loo ready for 9.30am....9.30am came and went and then one of the nurses came out and said they were running late and only had one machine working, by now it was 9.45am and my bladder was very full.
They called me in at 9.55am and I said I was bursting to go to the loo, no go I'm afraid, the scan would only take 5 or so mins could I hold on. Well, I thought I was going to pee all over the table as they took forever to get the injection in finally managed to find a decent vein in the back of my hand, that is after popping one of my veins by my wrist (and by god that hurts).
Managed to get through the scan without wetting myself and then walk out of the room over to the toilet....the tie on my tracky bottoms was knotted and I very nearly did have an accident!!
My wrist is still sore and there is a 3inch bruise all for nothing. Then I get to my Mum's and managed to leave my little toe in her dining room whilst I carry on walking through to the hall...ouch. I know they've lived there 36yrs but I'm sure the wall I walked in to never used to be there! The air was blue and so is my toe...very painful walking like I've broken a leg or something!!
Anyway, roll on 24th and hopefully it will be good news.
love Clare xx
Tuesday 10th April 2007
Got my scan tomorrow morning.
Have to be up and out of the house round Mum and Dad's with Jack by 7.45am, as I have to be at the hospital by 8.30am.
I'm glad it's an early appointment though as I can't eat for 4hrs before hand and then have to drink this disgusting stuff over an hour...yuk!
Must remember to take some reading material as the magazines in there are so old and I've read most of them!!
Results in a couple of weeks...24th April at 3pm...
love Clare xx
Got my scan tomorrow morning.
Have to be up and out of the house round Mum and Dad's with Jack by 7.45am, as I have to be at the hospital by 8.30am.
I'm glad it's an early appointment though as I can't eat for 4hrs before hand and then have to drink this disgusting stuff over an hour...yuk!
Must remember to take some reading material as the magazines in there are so old and I've read most of them!!
Results in a couple of weeks...24th April at 3pm...
love Clare xx
Sunday 1st April 2007
Been feeling a bit ‘blue’ lately and very tearful, only in private and when I have nothing better to do.
I’m worried about the scan in a week or so as although nothing may have happened to the liver or lung it could throw up all sorts of other things and there is a 2 week wait for the results.
I have also been letting my imagination run away with me and think I may need to speak to someone in the know (Macmillan) about what could happen to me. No one has even gone down that route and as a result it worries me.
I’ve been having ‘twinges’ down my right side a couple of times a day for about a week but I have also been feeling fluey and ache all over at the moment, of course it’s my liver enlarging and I keep pressing to see if I can feel it…what a daft cow!! Maybe when I’ve reached my goal weight but the chances of feeling anything at the moment are pretty slim…unlike myself.
I’ll have a decision to make regarding work over the next couple of weeks and that worries me too, as I’d hate to make the wrong choice.
The strong positive lady is still here but just sometimes feels that everything is so unfair.
The older Jack gets the harder it seems to face up to the future.
Tomorrow I’ll be feeling different again, so it’s not an ongoing ‘blue’ feeling.
love Clare xx
Been feeling a bit ‘blue’ lately and very tearful, only in private and when I have nothing better to do.
I’m worried about the scan in a week or so as although nothing may have happened to the liver or lung it could throw up all sorts of other things and there is a 2 week wait for the results.
I have also been letting my imagination run away with me and think I may need to speak to someone in the know (Macmillan) about what could happen to me. No one has even gone down that route and as a result it worries me.
I’ve been having ‘twinges’ down my right side a couple of times a day for about a week but I have also been feeling fluey and ache all over at the moment, of course it’s my liver enlarging and I keep pressing to see if I can feel it…what a daft cow!! Maybe when I’ve reached my goal weight but the chances of feeling anything at the moment are pretty slim…unlike myself.
I’ll have a decision to make regarding work over the next couple of weeks and that worries me too, as I’d hate to make the wrong choice.
The strong positive lady is still here but just sometimes feels that everything is so unfair.
The older Jack gets the harder it seems to face up to the future.
Tomorrow I’ll be feeling different again, so it’s not an ongoing ‘blue’ feeling.
love Clare xx
Friday 16th March 2007
Not much going on here, just getting on with things really.
I have a date for my CT scan which is 11th April at 8.30am, nearly had a fit when the letter came as it asks you to be there 1hr before the appointment as I have to drink that vile orangey stuff...Luckily my 'actual' appointment is 9.30am, for a moment I thought I'd have to be up ready and out by 7.15am.
So a bit of quiet for a couple of weeks then I'll start to get nervous and then I have a 2 week wait for the results.
Off to my sister's this afternoon for the weekend, Jon is off to his nephews 18th (I couldn't really face going as it's a long way for such a short stay), anyway he'll have a much better time there without me counting the pints and he's off to the football too, so it wouldn't have been much fun for me.
I did get my Mother's Day present early...a lovely Kangaroo with 'No.1 Mum' on it and a velvety flower, chocs and a card that I will take with me and open Sunday.
Of course Jack choose them but Daddy had to go and buy them.
So I'm going to have a nice weekend.
love Clare xx
Not much going on here, just getting on with things really.
I have a date for my CT scan which is 11th April at 8.30am, nearly had a fit when the letter came as it asks you to be there 1hr before the appointment as I have to drink that vile orangey stuff...Luckily my 'actual' appointment is 9.30am, for a moment I thought I'd have to be up ready and out by 7.15am.
So a bit of quiet for a couple of weeks then I'll start to get nervous and then I have a 2 week wait for the results.
Off to my sister's this afternoon for the weekend, Jon is off to his nephews 18th (I couldn't really face going as it's a long way for such a short stay), anyway he'll have a much better time there without me counting the pints and he's off to the football too, so it wouldn't have been much fun for me.
I did get my Mother's Day present early...a lovely Kangaroo with 'No.1 Mum' on it and a velvety flower, chocs and a card that I will take with me and open Sunday.
Of course Jack choose them but Daddy had to go and buy them.
So I'm going to have a nice weekend.
love Clare xx
Wednesday 7th March 2007
Yesterday I saw my consultant and he said that my skin is looking really good after the radiotherapy and that he’s pleased with how I’ve looked after the area concerned.
He’s booking me in for a CT scan 2nd week of April to check how my liver etc is doing and then I will get the results from him on 24th April.
He’s mad really as he asked if I was ok with having a scan so soon and if the tumour has grown would I be ok to have more treatment.Errr…..What did he expect me to say…”No lets wait until it’s really grown and treatment won’t do any good!!”
I won’t be having a mammogram until June and he did say that the tumour on my lung is hardly visable now…yippee.
Today I had to see my Company Dr and after a brief chat with him, he doesn’t think a return to work will do me any good and he will now have to write a report so that HR can offer me some options…one of which I found out today would be redundancy as they need to lose 2 headcount from my department.
That sounds really good as our redundancy packages are excellent at the moment but once the redundancy money has gone that’s it.
The Dr didn’t think I would be eligible to our Long Term Invalidity package as it’s a scheme that runs for approx 2yrs and after that you should be both physically and mentally able to go back to work. I did manage to suitably embarrass myself by bursting into tears, make up everywhere and snotty nose noises.
My manager is hopeful that I’ll get offered the package that I want but he has to have discussions with HR etc.
So now I’m on an anxious wait for them to decide my fate, they’d better hurry up, I’m a very impatient lady.
So a rather busy week as far as medical stuff is concerned.
love Clare xx
Yesterday I saw my consultant and he said that my skin is looking really good after the radiotherapy and that he’s pleased with how I’ve looked after the area concerned.
He’s booking me in for a CT scan 2nd week of April to check how my liver etc is doing and then I will get the results from him on 24th April.
He’s mad really as he asked if I was ok with having a scan so soon and if the tumour has grown would I be ok to have more treatment.Errr…..What did he expect me to say…”No lets wait until it’s really grown and treatment won’t do any good!!”
I won’t be having a mammogram until June and he did say that the tumour on my lung is hardly visable now…yippee.
Today I had to see my Company Dr and after a brief chat with him, he doesn’t think a return to work will do me any good and he will now have to write a report so that HR can offer me some options…one of which I found out today would be redundancy as they need to lose 2 headcount from my department.
That sounds really good as our redundancy packages are excellent at the moment but once the redundancy money has gone that’s it.
The Dr didn’t think I would be eligible to our Long Term Invalidity package as it’s a scheme that runs for approx 2yrs and after that you should be both physically and mentally able to go back to work. I did manage to suitably embarrass myself by bursting into tears, make up everywhere and snotty nose noises.
My manager is hopeful that I’ll get offered the package that I want but he has to have discussions with HR etc.
So now I’m on an anxious wait for them to decide my fate, they’d better hurry up, I’m a very impatient lady.
So a rather busy week as far as medical stuff is concerned.
love Clare xx
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Monday 5th March 2007
I haven't written much on here lately, as I'm not having any treatment at the moment and am just getting on with day to day things.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my consultant, not really sure what for. Well, obviously it’s procedure but I've had no tests or anything for them to talk to me about.
I know he'll want to check that the soreness from the radiotherapy has gone and I hope book me in for an ultra sound on my liver and also a chest X-ray.
I have a few questions to ask and have written them down in case I have a block and forget what I needed to ask...this happens frequently and I'm sure it must be the illness as there can be no other reasons....well maybe post baby brain/age etc
On Weds I have an appointment to see the Company Dr, as they now have my Drs' report...I'm very nervous about this as I know how I want to proceed but have to wait to see what options my employers offer
love Clare xx
I haven't written much on here lately, as I'm not having any treatment at the moment and am just getting on with day to day things.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my consultant, not really sure what for. Well, obviously it’s procedure but I've had no tests or anything for them to talk to me about.
I know he'll want to check that the soreness from the radiotherapy has gone and I hope book me in for an ultra sound on my liver and also a chest X-ray.
I have a few questions to ask and have written them down in case I have a block and forget what I needed to ask...this happens frequently and I'm sure it must be the illness as there can be no other reasons....well maybe post baby brain/age etc
On Weds I have an appointment to see the Company Dr, as they now have my Drs' report...I'm very nervous about this as I know how I want to proceed but have to wait to see what options my employers offer
love Clare xx
Thursday 8th February 2007
It's been 2 weeks since the radiotherapy finished and I'm healing very nicely all the soreness has gone and I'm just 'peeling' now.
I've got quite a bit going on with work, at last HR, Occ Health and my (new) manager have contacted me.
My Dr is having to do a report for our Company Dr and they will decide with me what option is best for me. I have an appointment with the Company Dr on 21 March (just shows how many ill people there are where I work as this was the earliest I could be seen!).
I feel so tired all the time, some days I'm totally exhausted by lunchtime and I've started having very sad thoughts, which I think is a result of finishing treatment, I feel in limbo now I went to my Dr today to have a chat to her and sort out another certificate....she only wasn't in (snowed in), I did see another Dr but she said I'd be best seeing my Dr as she's the one who I've seen throughout my illness, which suited me so I have another appointment on 19th to see her.
All in all I'm ok physically it's mentally that I have to cope with now.
Jack's room's ready for the off, paint chosen, all accessories purchased, even a new blue nappy stacker, and 3 canvas pics in the same design as the Next things (off Ebay..someone has been very quick off the mark there). He was given a pine wardrobe and chest of drawers last weekend and that goes excellent in the room.
love Clare xx
It's been 2 weeks since the radiotherapy finished and I'm healing very nicely all the soreness has gone and I'm just 'peeling' now.
I've got quite a bit going on with work, at last HR, Occ Health and my (new) manager have contacted me.
My Dr is having to do a report for our Company Dr and they will decide with me what option is best for me. I have an appointment with the Company Dr on 21 March (just shows how many ill people there are where I work as this was the earliest I could be seen!).
I feel so tired all the time, some days I'm totally exhausted by lunchtime and I've started having very sad thoughts, which I think is a result of finishing treatment, I feel in limbo now I went to my Dr today to have a chat to her and sort out another certificate....she only wasn't in (snowed in), I did see another Dr but she said I'd be best seeing my Dr as she's the one who I've seen throughout my illness, which suited me so I have another appointment on 19th to see her.
All in all I'm ok physically it's mentally that I have to cope with now.
Jack's room's ready for the off, paint chosen, all accessories purchased, even a new blue nappy stacker, and 3 canvas pics in the same design as the Next things (off Ebay..someone has been very quick off the mark there). He was given a pine wardrobe and chest of drawers last weekend and that goes excellent in the room.
love Clare xx
Thursday 25th January 2007
That's it then...6 weeks of radiotherapy all done and dusted. I have an appointment with the consultant on 6th March and he said I'd be having a mammogram in June.
I had a huge smile on my face when I walked out of there, anyone coming in the opposite direction must have thought I was a looney.
Still have a sore boob but it's not weeping at the moment. I have some dressings to put on it and it is relieving the pain a bit.
Jon texted this morning to say he's passed his assessment on the training course he's on, so that's good news...mind you I never even doubted he'd pass.
love Clare xx
That's it then...6 weeks of radiotherapy all done and dusted. I have an appointment with the consultant on 6th March and he said I'd be having a mammogram in June.
I had a huge smile on my face when I walked out of there, anyone coming in the opposite direction must have thought I was a looney.
Still have a sore boob but it's not weeping at the moment. I have some dressings to put on it and it is relieving the pain a bit.
Jon texted this morning to say he's passed his assessment on the training course he's on, so that's good news...mind you I never even doubted he'd pass.
love Clare xx
Monday 22nd January 2007
So sore today Radiographer has said I'm not allowed to put anything on it now, as the skin has broken. It's very sore and weeping, so I need to try and keep the area dry as much as I can. If by Wednesday it's not any better they will give me dressings for it. It really is a small price to pay so I'll just have to put up with it - but I needed to moan.
Ordered all the stuff for Jack's room and it should be here Thursday - very excited. Just have to convince Jon that there is no way I can use lemon and green sheets etc in a blue room - looks like I could be taking a trip to our Baby clinic to see if there is anyone who is in need of nursery things.
Oh, I can't for Wednesday and the final treatment - you may well just hear me shout for joy wherever you are!
Have to see the consultant afterwards so no doubt I'll be there a while waiting for him to turn up and I'm taking part in some research they are doing on younger women who have breast cancer. Surprisingly not many ladies want to participate which I think is awful, it's only a few questions, family history and a blood sample. Could in the future, save someones life.
love Clare xx
So sore today Radiographer has said I'm not allowed to put anything on it now, as the skin has broken. It's very sore and weeping, so I need to try and keep the area dry as much as I can. If by Wednesday it's not any better they will give me dressings for it. It really is a small price to pay so I'll just have to put up with it - but I needed to moan.
Ordered all the stuff for Jack's room and it should be here Thursday - very excited. Just have to convince Jon that there is no way I can use lemon and green sheets etc in a blue room - looks like I could be taking a trip to our Baby clinic to see if there is anyone who is in need of nursery things.
Oh, I can't for Wednesday and the final treatment - you may well just hear me shout for joy wherever you are!
Have to see the consultant afterwards so no doubt I'll be there a while waiting for him to turn up and I'm taking part in some research they are doing on younger women who have breast cancer. Surprisingly not many ladies want to participate which I think is awful, it's only a few questions, family history and a blood sample. Could in the future, save someones life.
love Clare xx
Thursday 18th January 2007
The final leg of the radiotherapy went ok today, 4 more to go.
It was very different from the other treatment in that the machine actually rests on your skin and you are on a nice comfy bed with a really squashy pillow.
None of this positioning lark, just straight in zapped, and straight out again.
Boob is still very sore underneath and very itchy but it can only get better. Dad said to go without a bra if it's rubbing....it have sore knees if I did that!!
My 'diet' is going well, it's not really dieting but drastically cutting portion size and just cutting out the crap that I love so much!
My account with Next has been updated, so now I can get on and order the stuff for Jack's room, very exciting.
love Clare xx
The final leg of the radiotherapy went ok today, 4 more to go.
It was very different from the other treatment in that the machine actually rests on your skin and you are on a nice comfy bed with a really squashy pillow.
None of this positioning lark, just straight in zapped, and straight out again.
Boob is still very sore underneath and very itchy but it can only get better. Dad said to go without a bra if it's rubbing....it have sore knees if I did that!!
My 'diet' is going well, it's not really dieting but drastically cutting portion size and just cutting out the crap that I love so much!
My account with Next has been updated, so now I can get on and order the stuff for Jack's room, very exciting.
love Clare xx
Wednesday 17th January 2007
Well, that's it, over for the main part of the radiotherapy.
Good job too as the radiographers don't reckon I could have taken much more. As under my boob it's really sore and they think it could possibly start weeping.
At least it can now begin to recover.
I know we all moan about the NHS at times but I have to say although radiotherapy isn't pleasurable the staff certainly made it as comfortable and 'enjoyable' as they could.
Always happy and chatty and I must say they would do their best if you got there early to fit you in if they could.
Not sure what tomorrow entails...oh I can't wait (NOT)
love Clare xx
Well, that's it, over for the main part of the radiotherapy.
Good job too as the radiographers don't reckon I could have taken much more. As under my boob it's really sore and they think it could possibly start weeping.
At least it can now begin to recover.
I know we all moan about the NHS at times but I have to say although radiotherapy isn't pleasurable the staff certainly made it as comfortable and 'enjoyable' as they could.
Always happy and chatty and I must say they would do their best if you got there early to fit you in if they could.
Not sure what tomorrow entails...oh I can't wait (NOT)
love Clare xx
Tuesday 16th January 2007
Yippee, one more day to go, then on to 5 days of intensive radiotherapy to treat the scar areas.
After that I don't know what happens but I'm sure they'll let me know.
It's been such a drag going to the hospital everyday, except today as I carried on into town on my own to do a bit of shopping, Mum and Dad had Jack, so I could take my time.
Sorted out some stuff with Woolwich which has been long overdue...I haven't been getting interest on my savings since I closed our 'Offset mortgage' and they wouldn't do a change of address unless I went into the branch...not very 21st century (IMO).
Once that was all done off I went shopping...Dune body lotion, bra, slippers, 2 pairs of cargo pants and a new handbag. Oh and a Vtech 'phone' for Jack as he loves the remote control so he can play with that instead.
Jon is getting on really well on his training course...all meals provided, cooked breakfast, buffet lunch and 3 course dinner, lovely room with 'a shit hot power shower'. He may not want to come home.
love Clare xx
Yippee, one more day to go, then on to 5 days of intensive radiotherapy to treat the scar areas.
After that I don't know what happens but I'm sure they'll let me know.
It's been such a drag going to the hospital everyday, except today as I carried on into town on my own to do a bit of shopping, Mum and Dad had Jack, so I could take my time.
Sorted out some stuff with Woolwich which has been long overdue...I haven't been getting interest on my savings since I closed our 'Offset mortgage' and they wouldn't do a change of address unless I went into the branch...not very 21st century (IMO).
Once that was all done off I went shopping...Dune body lotion, bra, slippers, 2 pairs of cargo pants and a new handbag. Oh and a Vtech 'phone' for Jack as he loves the remote control so he can play with that instead.
Jon is getting on really well on his training course...all meals provided, cooked breakfast, buffet lunch and 3 course dinner, lovely room with 'a shit hot power shower'. He may not want to come home.
love Clare xx
Sunday 7th January 2007
Have been feeling much better today but my wonderful plan to cheer myself up has already gone tit's up.
Went to our rather large Next store to buy the things for Jack's room...they had none at all, don't even stock them.
I was told I could order it and collect at a later date but instead I opted to do it online as I do have an account but haven't used it since last January.
Managed to find my account number from an old bank statement and merrily ordered away....Delivery address..oh bum I hadn't told them I've moved so thought I'd update there and then, but oh no you can only change your address by letter!
So I now have to wait until I've done and sent the letter they've amended my address and then do the order.
I think I'm a trifle impatient but once I've decided something I want it NOW!
I shall go and get the paint in preparation.
love Clare xx
Have been feeling much better today but my wonderful plan to cheer myself up has already gone tit's up.
Went to our rather large Next store to buy the things for Jack's room...they had none at all, don't even stock them.
I was told I could order it and collect at a later date but instead I opted to do it online as I do have an account but haven't used it since last January.
Managed to find my account number from an old bank statement and merrily ordered away....Delivery address..oh bum I hadn't told them I've moved so thought I'd update there and then, but oh no you can only change your address by letter!
So I now have to wait until I've done and sent the letter they've amended my address and then do the order.
I think I'm a trifle impatient but once I've decided something I want it NOW!
I shall go and get the paint in preparation.
love Clare xx
Saturday 6th January 2007
This part of my treatment finally 'got' me yesterday.
I went to my appointment at 9am as usual and felt full of cold with a nasty chesty cough.
Got through the treatment without coughing or sneezing but only just managed to drive home and fall into bed without collapsing.
I know I've had a cold all week, but I felt awful. Luckily Jon is still at home and he took control of things (and of course Jack) and I slept until 1pm and managed to move myself to the sofa for the rest of the afternoon.
I feel knackered and worn out, maybe I shouldn't have done so much over Christmas and New Year, entertained Christmas Day, Boxing Day and all over New Year.
I have obviously under estimated how much Radiotherapy takes out of you and have promised Jon I'll take things easier and not do so much for the remainder of my treatment.
I haven't really been shopping for 'housey' things since we moved in so think I deserve some time to make our new house our home and Jack is the biggest part of our family so I want to start with his room.
We are going to do Jack's bedroom soon and I have my eye on the Next 'Patchwork Car' theme, so we may go and buy it all tomorrow.
That will cheer me up.
love Clare xx
This part of my treatment finally 'got' me yesterday.
I went to my appointment at 9am as usual and felt full of cold with a nasty chesty cough.
Got through the treatment without coughing or sneezing but only just managed to drive home and fall into bed without collapsing.
I know I've had a cold all week, but I felt awful. Luckily Jon is still at home and he took control of things (and of course Jack) and I slept until 1pm and managed to move myself to the sofa for the rest of the afternoon.
I feel knackered and worn out, maybe I shouldn't have done so much over Christmas and New Year, entertained Christmas Day, Boxing Day and all over New Year.
I have obviously under estimated how much Radiotherapy takes out of you and have promised Jon I'll take things easier and not do so much for the remainder of my treatment.
I haven't really been shopping for 'housey' things since we moved in so think I deserve some time to make our new house our home and Jack is the biggest part of our family so I want to start with his room.
We are going to do Jack's bedroom soon and I have my eye on the Next 'Patchwork Car' theme, so we may go and buy it all tomorrow.
That will cheer me up.
love Clare xx
Wednesday 3rd January 2007
Festivities are over and we are getting back to some sort of normality.
Jack loved his first Christmas, his behaviour was impeccable, considering there were lots of new faces in our house over the week.
Thank goodness we moved in time for new toys!!
Just about half way through my radiotherapy and it’s very tiring. Not sure if it’s the actual treatment or the travelling back and forth each day or the fact that we have a very active 8mth old.
I’m lucky that we only live a couple of miles from the hospital but the traffic means that I have to leave fairly early and then I could get there and they’ll be running late.
I saw the registrar today as I was unsure about a couple of things, I wasn’t sure if the Tamoxifen treated the liver and lung tumours as well as the breast area. He explained that the tumours in the liver and lung are breast tumours so the medication will treat all the affected areas.
Also I had a period over the weekend the first for ages and was worried that the tablets should have stopped them but he said in someone so young (now that was nice to hear) they wouldn’t be concerned and eventually they will probably go.
I did ask what the next steps were after the radiotherapy and he said they wouldn’t do another CT scan just yet but possibly an ultrasound on my liver as that’s what theare most concerned with, he explained if the lungs get fluid on them or I get breathless I can still have a further course of chemo but if the liver takes a turn for the worse they will have to re-think as chemo and bad liver function don’t go well.
Jon starts a new job on the 11th January and I’m really excited for him.
I’ve had him at home for 2yrs..yes I know it’s along time but taking time off for IVF/Ectopic/Jack's birth/my diagnosis just escalated and before you know it 2yrs have passed.
He applied for a job online with BT at the beginning of December but heard nothing then out of the blue had a phone call and an interview, his first ever (as before he worked in construction and you just don't get interviewed it's just word of mouth).
He obviously did well as they phoned him back the same day and offered him the job. He will be away on a residential course for 3 weeks, that will be really weird and I’m sure he’ll miss Jack and vice versa.
The job is where we live and about 15 mile radius so it will be lovely to have him working at home after 9yrs of him working away.
love Clare xx
Festivities are over and we are getting back to some sort of normality.
Jack loved his first Christmas, his behaviour was impeccable, considering there were lots of new faces in our house over the week.
Thank goodness we moved in time for new toys!!
Just about half way through my radiotherapy and it’s very tiring. Not sure if it’s the actual treatment or the travelling back and forth each day or the fact that we have a very active 8mth old.
I’m lucky that we only live a couple of miles from the hospital but the traffic means that I have to leave fairly early and then I could get there and they’ll be running late.
I saw the registrar today as I was unsure about a couple of things, I wasn’t sure if the Tamoxifen treated the liver and lung tumours as well as the breast area. He explained that the tumours in the liver and lung are breast tumours so the medication will treat all the affected areas.
Also I had a period over the weekend the first for ages and was worried that the tablets should have stopped them but he said in someone so young (now that was nice to hear) they wouldn’t be concerned and eventually they will probably go.
I did ask what the next steps were after the radiotherapy and he said they wouldn’t do another CT scan just yet but possibly an ultrasound on my liver as that’s what theare most concerned with, he explained if the lungs get fluid on them or I get breathless I can still have a further course of chemo but if the liver takes a turn for the worse they will have to re-think as chemo and bad liver function don’t go well.
Jon starts a new job on the 11th January and I’m really excited for him.
I’ve had him at home for 2yrs..yes I know it’s along time but taking time off for IVF/Ectopic/Jack's birth/my diagnosis just escalated and before you know it 2yrs have passed.
He applied for a job online with BT at the beginning of December but heard nothing then out of the blue had a phone call and an interview, his first ever (as before he worked in construction and you just don't get interviewed it's just word of mouth).
He obviously did well as they phoned him back the same day and offered him the job. He will be away on a residential course for 3 weeks, that will be really weird and I’m sure he’ll miss Jack and vice versa.
The job is where we live and about 15 mile radius so it will be lovely to have him working at home after 9yrs of him working away.
love Clare xx
Wednesday 20th December 2006
I've had 8 doses of radiation so far and it's all going very well.
I've been very lucky with the appointments as at 9am they don't have much of chance to get behind.
My only complaint is that the radiographers have to move you whilst you are on the bed, you just have to relax and let them lead...well all I can say is..HANDS LIKE ICE BLOCKS.
Oh and the appalling music..yesterday it was a CD of all Simon Cowells signings..enough to make you ill
Just 2 more days to go and I get a 4 day break, will just be nice to not have to think about it for a while.
love Clare xx
I've had 8 doses of radiation so far and it's all going very well.
I've been very lucky with the appointments as at 9am they don't have much of chance to get behind.
My only complaint is that the radiographers have to move you whilst you are on the bed, you just have to relax and let them lead...well all I can say is..HANDS LIKE ICE BLOCKS.
Oh and the appalling music..yesterday it was a CD of all Simon Cowells signings..enough to make you ill
Just 2 more days to go and I get a 4 day break, will just be nice to not have to think about it for a while.
love Clare xx
Monday 11th December 2006
My 1st radiotherapy went according to plan. Of course they were running late and I didn't get in until 5.50pm (app was 4.10pm)..must make mental note to:
a) Not stress about getting there bang on the appointment time and
b) Take my book to read
It took more time to get me in place on the table and all lined up with the lasers, the actual 'radiotherapy' only took 2 minutes.
I have some instructions:
My 1st radiotherapy went according to plan. Of course they were running late and I didn't get in until 5.50pm (app was 4.10pm)..must make mental note to:
a) Not stress about getting there bang on the appointment time and
b) Take my book to read
It took more time to get me in place on the table and all lined up with the lasers, the actual 'radiotherapy' only took 2 minutes.
I have some instructions:
- Do not shave for the duration of the treatment - one hairy armpit there then
- Try not to wear underwired bras - easier said than done when you have big boobs that need keeping in place!
- No deodorant at all for 6 weeks - pongey
So I'll look great...Smelly, hairy armpit and uncontrolable boobs.
They gave me all my appointments up to 24th January, so at least I know where I am with those AND they have once again come up trumps apart from the odd 11am appointment nearly all of them are early ones, 9am or 9.10am I can go to lunch on Friday as well as they swapped my 1pm slot for an 8.40am one.
They gave me some cream to put on the site that's being zapped so I expect it will get quite sore...ouch!
love Clare xx
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